The shooting spree at the Sikh gurdwara in Wisconsin yesterday is saddening. Ignorance and prejudice are never helpful. In India, Sikh men with their proud turbans are admired. The Indian Army reveres them for their hard work and bravery. In the West, however, Sikhs are often singled out because they look so different. The men in my family wear turbans. I grew up in Sikh family. I did not cut my hair, consistent with our religious requirement, but I did not stand out as girls having long hair is a thing of beauty. We went to gurdwara. We learned some Sikh prayers. We naughtily avoided Punjabi lessons - although most of us now regret that aspect. I am not an active Sikh in any outward way. My hair is now short. I rarely go to gurdwara. But it is a part of how I came to be who I came to be. The Sikh culture taught me that all religions are good, that they have you be thankful to God and lead an honest life. It taught me we are all equal. No one is higher or lower, and that is why we all wear the same steel bracelet and sit together to eat the langar (meal) in the gurdwara. Sikhs are generally hard working honest people who enjoy life fully. We like to eat well. We love to dance bhangra and giddha. We want to be around family.
Being Sikh is also part of my being Punjabi and being Indian. It is my culture and background. My English friends tended to understand this a little. Most of them grew up eating Indian food and knowing Indians, just like my friends knew me and got to know the inside stories. Mostly, my Americans don't get it as there are so many fewer Indians in the US compared to the densely populated bounds of London. When an event happens connected to being Indian, Punjabi or Sikh, I feel a stronger link to my ancestry, different from going about day to day life. I want Sofi to understand her heritage. She is part of it too. Hopefully, we will be making a trip to India in the Spring of 2013.
Reading about the shootings today, I again came across a short film about female foeticide.
http://www.sikhnet.com/filmfestival/2006/beti/
As an adoptive mother of a fantastic daughter, who was abandoned in the state of Punjab - my ancestral home - it breaks my heart any time I see or think about the cultural predispositions for many Indians, and even higher proportions of Punjabis to devalue girls and consider them a burden. Sadly, even as a privileged London-born Punjabi, I have seen this very same bias against me and other girls even in my own "modern" family. Simply dues to us being girls. To speak out against it is to bring more trouble. I have seen that first hand and it is unfair. It is not right. But it is real. It is the reality of the economic structure within which Indians live, that they see girls as a bad investment with no returns. They feel that the girl has to be housed and fed, possibly educated, and then a huge dowry has to be accumulated in order for someone to begrudgingly take her off your hands in marriage. Boys stay in the family and bring a dowry-rich bride in to the mix. People who abort and kill girls are not to be judged. No one living a privilege Western or Indian life can truly understand the difficulties they face. After living in India for over a year to adopt Sofi, I saw and heard many things that opened my eyes to what I already suspected. Life is hard. Life as a poor person in India is extremely hard. The life of women is the hardest, and can even be considered an atrocity for all too many. It is not all saints and yogis as many westerners think. It is not all 5 star hotels, clubs and restaurants, and designer clothes-shopping and big elaborate weddings which is what most NRIs (non resident Indians) experience on their vacations to India. It is not for Oprah to look down on us patronizingly and incredulous that we eat with our hands.
Being Punjabi can sometime seem to be at odds with being Sikh. Girls are meant to be equal. Culture often means they are not. I see this more within the uneducated classes. But even very rich educated Indians can have lingering prejudices. The families where they overcome these backward stereotypes are wonderful. We need more families like that. And as more and more Indians are openly adopting abandoned or neglected children, there is hope that the ripple effects will be pervasive and positive. One girl at a time. There can be change. I cannot do much. But adopting Sofi, and now looking for Tara, is the minute contribution I can make. The gift Sofi has already given to me is considerably greater than my wish to make the world a better place for everyone, but especially for Indian girls.
Being Sikh is also part of my being Punjabi and being Indian. It is my culture and background. My English friends tended to understand this a little. Most of them grew up eating Indian food and knowing Indians, just like my friends knew me and got to know the inside stories. Mostly, my Americans don't get it as there are so many fewer Indians in the US compared to the densely populated bounds of London. When an event happens connected to being Indian, Punjabi or Sikh, I feel a stronger link to my ancestry, different from going about day to day life. I want Sofi to understand her heritage. She is part of it too. Hopefully, we will be making a trip to India in the Spring of 2013.
Reading about the shootings today, I again came across a short film about female foeticide.
http://www.sikhnet.com/filmfestival/2006/beti/
As an adoptive mother of a fantastic daughter, who was abandoned in the state of Punjab - my ancestral home - it breaks my heart any time I see or think about the cultural predispositions for many Indians, and even higher proportions of Punjabis to devalue girls and consider them a burden. Sadly, even as a privileged London-born Punjabi, I have seen this very same bias against me and other girls even in my own "modern" family. Simply dues to us being girls. To speak out against it is to bring more trouble. I have seen that first hand and it is unfair. It is not right. But it is real. It is the reality of the economic structure within which Indians live, that they see girls as a bad investment with no returns. They feel that the girl has to be housed and fed, possibly educated, and then a huge dowry has to be accumulated in order for someone to begrudgingly take her off your hands in marriage. Boys stay in the family and bring a dowry-rich bride in to the mix. People who abort and kill girls are not to be judged. No one living a privilege Western or Indian life can truly understand the difficulties they face. After living in India for over a year to adopt Sofi, I saw and heard many things that opened my eyes to what I already suspected. Life is hard. Life as a poor person in India is extremely hard. The life of women is the hardest, and can even be considered an atrocity for all too many. It is not all saints and yogis as many westerners think. It is not all 5 star hotels, clubs and restaurants, and designer clothes-shopping and big elaborate weddings which is what most NRIs (non resident Indians) experience on their vacations to India. It is not for Oprah to look down on us patronizingly and incredulous that we eat with our hands.
Being Punjabi can sometime seem to be at odds with being Sikh. Girls are meant to be equal. Culture often means they are not. I see this more within the uneducated classes. But even very rich educated Indians can have lingering prejudices. The families where they overcome these backward stereotypes are wonderful. We need more families like that. And as more and more Indians are openly adopting abandoned or neglected children, there is hope that the ripple effects will be pervasive and positive. One girl at a time. There can be change. I cannot do much. But adopting Sofi, and now looking for Tara, is the minute contribution I can make. The gift Sofi has already given to me is considerably greater than my wish to make the world a better place for everyone, but especially for Indian girls.
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