So how does intercountry adoption actually work?

I have been getting lots of congratulations, but it seems premature as I feel as if I am only moving one step along in what often seems like an insurmountable process of obstacles and hindrances to becoming a mother. It's just alot easier to visualize with Sofi's sweet face to look at.

Biological parents do not need anyone's permission or a license to parent. For those of us choosing to be parents by adoption, it is not an accident or an unconscious event. It takes years to come to the realization that your wish to adopt has culminated in you finally being ready to take the first formal step. For me, this was about 20 years in the making as I knew I wanted to adopt a child from India even as a teenager and it has always been something in the back of my mind, I suppose I was waiting until I thought I was ready. I got ready. Then...

you find out all the local authorities in the UK are "not recruiting" for parents! Like this was a sales call?! Apparently there are hardly any Indian origin children available for adoption in the UK. And the UK is strongly against inter-racial adoption. It seems ythey don't want any Indian origin parents, so thanks but no thanks; this, despite lots of children waiting to be adopted and in foster care. Mostly your calls are not even returned. If they do consider, you are interrogated in a most invasive personal way only to be told there are no suitable kids in their system. There are hardly any private adoption agencies and they take a really long time to complete the gruelling process of approving you, or not, to become an adoptive parents. There are only about 300 international adoptions done into the UK each year.

The US couldn't be more different. Race is not irrelevant, but it's not a complete barrier. I thank God for dual-citizenship! There are in the region of 10,000 international adoptions into the US now, since it is dropping rapidly each year (was about 20,000 year not too long ago). I think it's dropped to only 297of those from India in 2009.

Amazingly, despite India having a population of over a billion, in there were just over 800 kids sent out of the country via adoption. 2-3 years ago it was over 1300. The rules are getting tighter and tighter and less and less Indian orphans will have a chance to be adopted. We NRIs are 2d choice and only are allowed to adopt if "real" Indians say no to these wonderful kids.

The process starts with a social worker and lots of paperwork, studying and classes on adoptive parenting, and you are rewarded with the crucial Home Study that is the official approval that you are fit to be a parent and you can proceed to adopt from overseas. I wanted a girl, one or two, so that's what I was approved for. Then you have the luck of going to USCIS (former INS or immigration) to ask for visa clearance. Actually this was surprisingly a really supportive and helpful agency as they have a special department of homeland security for adoption and they truly seem so eager to help. And then you have to sign on with an agency in the US who is licensed by India for intercountry adoption out of India. CARA is the Central Adoption Resource Agency and they license all the foreign agencies, as well as being the all important people who will give me the official Indian green light, the NOC (no objection clearance).

The most awesome part is when you then learn there is a child who might be suitable for you. And that is when Trishna and I became a team in this process. She is my motivation. I call her Sofi. Or probably it will be Sofi Trishna when she is naughty as I think most mothers resort to long full names for maternal dramatic effect. Officially the paperwork at this stage is that the ashram/orphanage presents us with a CSR (child study report) and medical for the PAP (prospective adoptive parents(s)) to approve. I said absolutely yes please! And now it is for the ashram to take that massive stack of my papers, and their own papers, and send them to CARA for NOC. That's my next stage. Waiting for NOC and praying every day it goes through.

When the all important NOC is in, that's when they/I file as petitioner to adopt Sofi. Sadly for us, Jalandar Punjab is notoriously one of the slowest court systems as they do not do many intercountry adoptions to each case, aprropriately is given strict scrutiny, but it isn't done very quickly. Despite Indian Supreme Court precedent that all adoption cases are supposed to be given high priority, many jurisdictions do not adhere to this timeline. Punjab is one of those not observing the requirement. But we live in hope. And we can but pray. Or overprepare the case just to help.

All of your prayers are needed as this is really the hardest thing I ever did.

Thanks for reading, if you got this far!

I hope one day to produce or back a documentary to highlight the plight of India's neglected children who are not being made available for adoption. Many of them are actually domestic servants or child beggars or have at least one family member, so they might not technically be eligible or open to being adopted. Sometimes, there are ways these kids can be sponsored so they can go to school instead of working.

Princess Sofi in her throne... sideways

Sofi in motion

As days fly by....

I can't account for the past 4 months except to say they have been a blur. Sofi is growing healthy and strong and is walking now. She wanders off confidently all over the ashram as far as she can, investigating everything. Paperwork drags on without much progress it seems. Sofi is now like a mascot passed from kid to kid around the ashram as she becomes capable of more and more sounds and entertainment for the others. Sunrises, sunsets, sunrises and I can't keep track of where all the time goes every day.