San Francisco welcome home!

It has been a little over a month since we arrived back in SF and it is nice to be home.

We had a gruelling flight back from Delhi, with 2 days of showing up at the airport, getting on the plane the 1st day, only to be kicked off due to mechanical problems, and the 2d day sitting at the airport the 2d day in a confined security area with no food or water for hours on end, only to be sent away again. IT was a nice time of fellow stranded traveller bonding and Sofi made some friends. The upside was that we did get put up in a 5* hotel, The Grand, and that was extravagant. After 3 & 1/2 days of travelling, and a cold few hours laying over in Newark between connecting flights, we made it home to SF.  Tia Susana welcomed us at the airport with the all-important new car seat. Relief!

A few days of jetlag and running around and then we moved into our new home in the Presidio park. Gorgeous house and amazing views of the Golden Gate bridge, living above Crissy Field in a national park. That weekend nannaji and naaniji arrived from London. Sofi was delighted. And we had a fun birthday party on June 4th at Menlo Park's UMe playspace with friends.

Sofi and I have been a little sick, with all the travelling and climate changes and changing weather here, but it's great to be home where things make sense and I feel like I know how to get around. Sofi is making friends and enjoying that she can play outside almost every day. Rainy days, we have a membership at Peekadoodle indoor playspace in Ghiradhelli Square. It feels like there are soo many babies and children around the City, so it's been lots of making new friends, exploring the parks and having playdates.

Sofi has started attending Parkside Preschool daytimes and is working up towards full time 5 days a week. She also goes to a summer preschool class Friday mornings at Peekadoodle. We are finding story times at the library, music classes, movement classes and playgroups for her to develop her creative side.

It's all good. Slowly but surely we are settling in.

We are also in the process of starting the post-placement visits with our social worker, waiting for her certificate of citizenship and hoping to finish the process once and for all.
 

London ban - SF here we come! Yippee!!!

After getting our hopes up about being able to arrive in London and see all my family and friends there, even setting playdates and dinner dates, we have had to change plans. Despite my having Home Office website printouts confirming that Sofi is automatically entitled to British citizenship as a result of our having legitimately completed a Hague adoption, the British High Commission staff, who appear to believe they are the law and therfore have no need to comply with the law, have refused to accept what it is. The law says she is a British citizen. They disagree. They refuse, despite several email requests, to provide any legal authority on which they rely. We had opted then for the visit visa, and were told it would be done in a week, after a week, I finally forced my way to the visa people only to be told they are not satisfied we are just going for a visit and they do not have sufficient proof that we are not going to settle there. My having 2 homes there, a company and property there, a flat I have to pay rent for, and all the other accessories of living there aside, they are completely mad! So we were told we would be required to come for a visa interview. But the earliest date would be the 19th. No guarantee of success. In fact, a suspicion they are looking for a reason to find a reason to reject it. What a country!? It reminds me why I choose to live in the US. If I hadn't grown up there and have family and friends there, I think it would be the least attractive place to live. Crappy weather. Overpriced. Overpopulated. Cripple transport routes. And a segment of people who still thinks Britannia rules the waves and everywhere else. These petty little bureacrats, who flash around diplomatic status, are nothing but trumped up little pests. Nonetheless, we are entitled to Sofi's passport and citizensip. A battle for another day.

All flights to London cancelled, all plans changed and now we are leaving to SF on Friday the 20th of May, 2011. We fly 15 hours direct to Newark, NY and have to clear immigration. 4 hour layover and off again 6 hours flying time. Continential airlines this time. Sofi in her own little seat. Mummy hopes Sofi will sleep 1/2 or 2/3 of the flight time. Let's see.

Am madly arranging lots of things for when we get there. We have a house to live in the Presidio which should be great. Lots of other things to sort out. But it's a great feeling that the next chapter of our life is starting. Sad to leave the friends we have made here. Sanaa, Arshia, Zahara, Agastya, Lia, Nanki, Raunak, are the Delhi gang. Good fun times Sofi has had with them all. Memories in the book, and many more to make over the years we hope.

Departure countdown is on!

I have mixed feelings about leaving India now that the departure is
imminent. In 9 days, we leave. We have applied for a family visit visa
to the UK and have been told it will be issued this upcoming week.
Accordingly we have booked flights to London on the 16th. We will stay
there 12 days and then board a flight with my parents in tow to arrive
in San Francisco.

A few days after we arrive in the US, Sofi turns 2 on June 1, 2011.
We are planning her birthday party for June 4. This will be a nice
time for Sofi to meet some of her new friends in the bay area.

Ironically - or perhaps not - now that the departure is imminent, we
have been making lots of friends or getting into a better groove with
the people we had already met before. It is probably a combination of
the length of time we have been here, but also that the paperwork
aspect is much less, and we are more often in Delhi rather than on the
go for court cases or family visits.

We are starting to pack up our Delhi home and put things in order.
Deciding what we can squeeze into a mere 2 suitcases is riddled with
decisions of what do we really have to take. At many levels, I am not
bothered about what we pack or take, as the joy is that Sofi and are
together and embarking on the next part of our journey together. I am
looking forward to being able to get in MY car and go where I want,
where I want, and actually know where I want to go. Sofi is blissfully
unaware of all the imminent huge changes. My Punjabi speaking baby
will be going full on to English very soon.

Self portrait of the happy couple outside the US Embassy. Free to go!!!

FREE AT LAST!!! Thank God Almighty we are free at last!!!

Amazingly, we are done!!! No amount of exclamation marks can truly demonstrate the relief and happiness at the process being done. For now. Post adoption checks will take 6 months once we get back home. Not a big deal really.

After a lot more grovelling and running around every day to the passport office, we finally got Sofi's passport. It took 10 days. Issued April 18, 2011. Creepy crawly Krishin Kumar caved in after alot of pleading, sucking up, name dropping, actually showing up daily, until I think he realized that I don't take no for an answer. I have climbed up and down the passport office stairs many many many times, being sent to one person or another.  I think the Regional Passport Officer got sick of seeing me too.  And the fact they could not fault our paperwork.  Yet, we are the lucky ones.  Many people fared much worse than us. Even the day the passport was issued, I showed up at the designated time of 4:30. Hovering around the counter, asking again and again if they could check my receipt number, only to be told it had not come down yet.  At right around 6:30, someone came to collect the remainin stragglers who were waiting, we followed him upstairs after he took from us the only receipt/proof we had that we had even filed an application... And upstairs, we were told there was only 1 more passport for that day. A miracle - it was Sofi's!  I practically kissed the bearer of fantastic news. I felt really bad for the others pleading their cases, only to be fobbed off.

Thinking ahead, we already had an appointment at the US Embassy for Wednesday April 20th. I turned up with all my papers, and little Miss Sofi, who by now is quite the little Miss!  We went to American Citizen Services and, luckily, as usual, we got the red carpet treatment. It never ceases to amaze me how nice everyone is when they know we are there for an adoption case. It's all, don't wait in line, just go to the front, type of thing. They are soooo nice. Unlike everyone and every system in India and the UK who are simply horrid and obstreperous. We were asked when it suited us for our visa interview.  Since we still had a housefull of lovely guests who were pampering and spoiling Sofi, I felt it best we wait until they had all gone. So we were given out preference of Monday, April 25th at 9 a.m. But with the caveat that they told us if that was not convenient, just come at 10 or whenever the baby was happy to come, go straight to window 25, and do not wait in line. What lovely people! So considerate and caring. A relief from the rest of the experiences we have had. We showed up Monday morning, whisked to the front of the line, and presented our papers. All agreed to be in order. Gave an oath the papers are accurate. Told to come back in the afternoon at 2:30. Did that. Miracle of miracle, le viola! all done! Sofi's Indian passport is duly given the US visa.  We are free to go.

We are not going yet though. Sofi is in playschool and enjoys it.  She has the full and undivided attention of me and her ayah Pratima. So we are ok until school is out May 13. Then we will head off. It is getting super hot. But Sofi has made friends. I am making friends, at long last, and things are ok. We will do some medical checkups on ourselves and start planning our move back to the US after me being gone so long.

We also met the President of Sofi's orphanage yesterday, Tuesday April 26th. He spent alot of time with us. Charmed by Sofi as everyone is! He was kind enough to comment that his father (former Prime Minister of India I K Gujral who is sadly not in the best of health) always made a point to visit my paternal grandfather, known to us all as Bupuji, because he had a very high regard for Bupuji.

I also duly registered my wish to adopt a 2d daughter from Jalandhar and was received very well! So, after all the papers are in order, we should be back in 2012 for #2! My lovely 2d daughter is out there somewhere already but not ready to come to me. All in good time.

Sofi is parrotting more and more words. She is increasingly cheeky and cute and the biggest love of my life. I thank God and my lucky stars she came to me. I am very lucky.

Passport time and hopefully visa soon

Apparently, for a long time in India, it was not considered a right to
have a passport. Now there are more than 1.2 billion people who are
eligible. Not surprisingly, the passport offices simply cannot deal
with the volume of applications. Plus, given terrorism and many other
concerns, there is a fear of wrongly issuing passports. The process is
quite complex. I was told the average passport is between 1 and 2
months to issue. Emergency/Tatkaal passports supposedly in a week or
less.

Getting all the paperwork in place to be able to submit a tatkaal
application is no mean feat. We had to fill out many affidavits, have
them notarized. We had to submit obvious proofs of adoption and
residency. But probably the most bizarre was that we had to have a
senior government officer vouch for her moral character and
reputation. I can see that being required of an adult, but of a 1 year
old?! Well, we finally managed to get it done after a lot of pleading
phone calls to many friends.

A few more sick days and a trip to Chandigarh delayed the process
quite a bit too. So although we got the birth certificate on February
21st, it was not until April 7th that I actually successfully
submitted the tatkaal passport application. Going into the passport
office is quite hard. You have to wait in a long line first at the
back of the building, to get a token, that is your number in the line
for the day. We had someone there by around 6:30 or 7, so when I got
there at 9, luckily I was #4. Then, you take that token and stand in
another line at the front of the building to gain entry. Then it is a
mad rush to go to the tatkaal counter and you have all the ususal
suspects with #200 or some other high number fighting you off and
trying to push to the front of the line as the bureaucrats drink tea
behind closed doors. When the civil servants meander to their
counters, they do not look friendly or helpful. Each of the first 3
tatkaal people were sent away and their applications rejected for one
reason or other. I got nervous.

When we go to the tatkaal coutner, the lady rejected the application
totally saying that adoption cases cannot come on tatkaal. Oddly,
although not written anywhere in the detailed instructions on how to
apply for a passport, this same refrraind was given at the next
counter, the tatkaal superintendant. Instead of just accepting this,
we debated. I asked for the basis of this and some Ministry of
External Affairs memo from 2008 was flashed briefly for me to see.
Getting more concerned at this point. Not taking no for an answer.
Send upstairs to Room 5. Excited. Until I reached the long line of hot
and bothered people and the rude guards protecting the high level
officials behind the curtain. Eventually get to see the Assistant
Regional Passport Officer. Told the same thing. Starting to feel like
a charater in Little Britain, "Policy says NO!" Not taking no. Sent
to the PRO upstairs. Wait around. His assistant checks my papers and
agrees everything is there. Finally PRO arrives, He seems to be
satisfied. Sends me back to Room 5. Short but high ranking man says,
no, PRO has not written his approval to accept the application on
tatkaal basis. Go back to PRO. He says he can't write it and tells me
to go back to Room 5. At this point, feeling like a ball in a tennis
match, I ask if we can move forward instead of back and forth. He
concedes and sends me to the Wizard - the Regional Passport Officer
himseld. Push thru the guards with great difficulty, wait around and
meet him. Nice person, but he too says policy says no.

Explain the process and the reality of what this is - a child trying
to start her life properly. Luckily I noticed his family portrait on
his desk, and relating my problem to him in real terms achieved a
warmer response. "Wait outside, I will see what we can do." Waiting.
And waiting. Various people in and out of his office. Eventually, I am
told, go back to the tatkaal superintendent, we will accept the
application, and see what we can do.

Skipping down the stairs I go back to irritable Gansham and explain my
note saying that my application must be accepted. I have never been
happy to pay fees (Rs2100) as it was the gateway to the receipt - the
all important document to start your process. With a receipt, their
legal obligations to process begins to roll.

Monday the 11th I come back and am told by chirpy Mr Gansham that it
is scheduled to be complete that very same day and should be sent out
soon. I am in joyous disbelief. But I have heard such promises many
times this past year or two. I am cautiously optimistic.

TOday, Wednesday 13th, I come to check, is it really done? Turns out
as yesterday and tomorrow are a holiday, and Wednesday is the day of
the week the higher-ups don't meet the public, this was not a good day
to show up. Rejected several times at the gate and not allowed in.
Finally sent to the back of the building to the enquiry line.
Helpfully told by someone in line you can SMS your inquiry and find
out the status. They SMS back almost immediately, that subject to all
documents being ok, it would be complete on 11th. Had I succeeded? An
hour in line in the scorching morning sun, to be told at the counter,
there is an objection. Come back Friday and talk to a PRO.

Dejected. What now? By this point Sofi has been picked up from
playschool and is sitting asleep in the hot car out front. I mull it
over. Let's not give up. I find our helpful tout friend. He is nice,
but busy with something.

The friendly police officer who had sent me to inquiry was hanging
around. One last plea. I explain to him this is an adoption case and
how long I have been here, point at the sleeping baby and he agrees he
will help me enter the building to find out from Gansham what the
issue it. THen his supervisor yells at him for standing idle and sends
him off in the opposite direction. Wait. He eventually returns and I
pounce. He takes me to the gates, amidst shouting and shoving irate
public not being allowed it, and gets me in. It's like magic. He
smiles as I pass. Just like that. I am in. Persistence and politeness
and appealing to people's humanity got me in.

Once in, Gansham explains that I need to speak to the PRO and sends me
to someone new. I go there. He listens. I am to wait. Eventually
someone else calls my case. I go over the papers and he is nice. He
explains I have 1 more proof of address needed. I can get that within
an hour or so from the bank. And most wonderfully, he takes me with
him to see the Regional Passport Officer and he agrees that my case is
accepted on tatkaal and it should be completed at once.

Off to the bank. Back. Wait. And wait. Mr helpful is at the Minstry.
But once back, he says, that's good enough. Come on Friday the 15th
between 4:30 and 6 and pick up your passport. The next 48 hours will
be tense but I am hopeful.

After this, the last step is to go to the US Embassy and get the visa.
We will be off.

Of course, the British High Commission, consistent with their totally
anti-adoption stance throughout, says they will not recognize the
adoption. Sofi cannot get a passport. Is not recognized as my child!
And can't even get a visa - unless we lie! With shit weather, an
outrageous cost of living, and extortionate tax rules, is it any
wonder soo many people leave the country if they can?!

Fish out of water

Throughout this process, living in India, I have felt like a fish out of water. Sitting with non-Indian expats today, it reminds me of just how much of a culture shock it is to come and live in India. There are soo many wonderful things here. But the shock to the system is massive and often debilitating. Although of Indian origin, I am totally foreign to all people here and I feel very frustrated very often. I am Indian in some ways, but I suppose that being an NRI, being born and raised throughout in the west, has shaped me and made me who I am today. So I am more familiar and comfortable with the western systems and culture. I miss being in a country where I speak the language properly, I miss having friends calling just to say "hi", I miss being in a place where I can get around without feeling lost. I have so much admiration now for people that just up and move to India without even being Indian; they are really brave and adventurous. I am really really ready to go home. It's coming close and funnily enough, the closer I get to going, the more I am climbing the walls to go. I want Sofi to be surrounded by people who know me from before and she can feel that love and warmth. It is hard work having only new friends around.

As we are getting on with Sofi's Indian passport, we are now being told by the British High Commission that she might be prohibited from entering the UK. Apparently, as I used my US citizenship to adopt Sofi, the British government will condescend to acknowledge Sofi as my legal daughter, probably for taxes and anything negative, but they will not confer British citizenship on her automatically. I will have to research this, but it is my understanding that an adopted child must be regognized just like a biological child. Rude awkening to find out the British government has an exception for adopted children to deprive them of what is their legal right in all civilized countries. Yet another obstacle to overcome. The US government and process has just been so wonderful about adoption and embraces it at every turn, that it is a disappointing shock to see that once again the British rules are anti-adoption. They are already one of the most difficult countries for adoption, whether domestic or international, and this is yet another way they are against people trying to build their families by adoption.

the process goes on... and on... but we are moving forward!

So after we officially became mother and daughter, one thinks that's the end of the process, right? Think again! We still do not have the requisite permission to travel out of the country. Step 1, birth certificate. The ashram say it will take at least a month. I think I can't wait that long. I am ready to leave! So, we take it into our own hands. We stopped into the the ashram on the 16th, 2 days after the Adoption Deed was issued. Not surprisingly, although they were supposed to have started working on the BC already. We go into the office, to be told, oh, there is some new procedure. When asked, what is it, we are told, it's hard to say. When we ask, how are you going to overcome it, they respond, let's see. I have heard them lamely say "let's see" over and over and over and over in the past 9 months, and that usually means, we don't plan to do anything, let it fall from the sky like a miracle, because we don't give a shit about the speed of your process, this is just a job for us and we are not bothered about you and your child wanting to get on with living life, because we are happily rolling along in our own lives. I have always been suspicious that the lack of bribe was a factor, but who knows. The apathy I see is pretty common with them in all cases. But then I have not known of anyone who has bribed them. It appears basically that they are so full of themselves thinking that because they are dealing with all orphans, they have this attitude that they are doing God's work. They forget that they are generally pretty apathetic and not bothered and therefore hindering the process from moving. Case after case, I see they go slow. Because they have soo many cases in process, and they are quite laid back, things don't move very quickly.

So, we (me and the driver Sukha) started to ask what is the problem with Sofi's BC. What is the process. 1st it's apparently the SDM (sub divisional magistrate). THen the Civil Hospital where all births are recorded. THen the Municipal Corporation where the actualy BC is written. I can see how one might take a month with so many different departments involved in a little BC. We ask the ashram if we can take over. The person in charge, the new retired Colonel, had simply said, oh well, I went in this morning, so I don't plan to go in again today, despite our asking desperately for his help to get this BC started ASAP rahter than waiting around.  He continued talking as if we never spoke, saying the next few days are a holiday, so nothing will start now until Monday - 5 days ahead! His BS and self-serving self-praising monologues are quite tedious. He is soo self righteous. I have seen the reality of his accomplishments in our case fall far short of his own delusions about himself. Basically, he is a pompous ass! But we smile as if he is wonderful. As long as you sit and listen and let him talk and talk about how wonderful a job he is doing and how these ingrate orphans are lucky to have him, he is happy. I feel sorry for the kids he has been put in charge. But it seems no worse than before he was appointed. And no better. Overall, the ashram is taking adequate care of the kids, and they are much much luckier than most children in orphanages, or even alot of kids who have parents. So it is up to them to make the most of their life.

Luckily, their laziness or apathy makes them happy to take the credit for us to do all their work. So they give us the application and letter and say we can go back to the SDM and try to make the BC. Now that Sofi is legally mine, I have the right to take over her process, whereas before I had to sit by and be satisfied just asking and asking how things were going and if there was anything I could do, only to be told, "don't worry, it will be done."

So we start with the SDM's P.A. He explains that the 1st step actually is to go to the Tassildar (like a district supervisor I think). He agrees to call the Tassildar and ask it to be done quickly. We run to the Tassildar, knowing it is a short week, and he is really nice and helpful. He goes thru the papers immediately, and the only catch is that the ashram's affidavit has to be verified in person by the affiant. So we run back to the ashram and drag the Colonel along to get him to verify in person. Also, they decide they need to see the original Adoption Deed, and by chance I had got it off the lawyer the day before and so I was able to pull it out of my purse like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, and things were moving nicely. After signing, then it turned out we needed the official ashram stamp on the papers, so we ran back to the ashram with the Colonel, and had another staff memeber accompany us back with the stamp, and we completed the Tassildar recommendation and approval. Whew! All in a day's work.

We take the file back up to the SDM's P.A. and he assures us that even tho the next day is a half day, it will be ready for us to pick up his approval before 1 p.m.  We show up at 10 the next morning, and are pleasantly surprised that it is all ready!!! Both the SDM and the Tassildar approvals have been obtained in less than 24 hours, even tho it was Eid and some other random holiday. We are soo pleased with ourselves, we decide to rush to the Civil Hospital as it is barely 10:30 and it is still a half day of work.

At the Civil Hospital, it is again an exercise of running from one counter to another counter to another counter, being desperate, asking everyone for their help in getting this done ASAP, and pleasantly being received well everywhere, and everyone being helpful and courteous, as we zoom zoom all over the place like a couple of chickens without heads. Heads turn as people wonder what is all the rushing is about. But the upshot is that we get all the process of the Civil Hospital almost complete by the time they close for lunch. What we achieved in an hour, usually takes at least a week, or many weeks. The exception is if a baby is born in a hospital and properly recorded, and then things are relatively straightforward.  We ended up with all the papers ready, just needing the bigshot Dr's signature and since he had already left for a wedding, it was not possible to do anymore until Monday.

So I decide nothing more to do but take a few days of rest. Amidst all this success in our process, and wonderful Sofi time, I have been almost constantly ill since New Years Eve. 2 months now. I had gastritis and was violently ill from NYE until the 2d week of Jan. Lost weight and looked better, but quite tiring.  Was ok for a bit and then 1st week of Feb had a weird infection that erupted in an absess in my nose that was excruciating. Managed to subdue the swelling in time to look fine for the wedding, but oddly, the day after the wedding weekend, on Valentine's Day, I woke up with yet another pain by my bellybutton. 2 & 1/2 weeks later, 2 rounds of antibiotics, and finally resorting to heavy painkillers, it has not healed. So it is time to see another Dr today, a dermatologist in the hopes of figuring out what all this is about.

After the weekend of taking easy and seeing some friends in Chandigarh, it was back to Jalandhar on the 21st and we ran around at Civil Hospital and got the big Dr signature. On to the Municipal Corporation. We had run into someone from the MC at the hospital before the holiday weekend, and he also said if we went to see him, he would help us get it done.  So after some herculean effort on the MOnday, by just 2 p.m. we had Sofi's birth certificate. We celebrated with a dhaba lunch! In 3 work days, we had made the birth certificate. The ashram staff were astonished. Monday the 21st was the day they planned to start the approximately month long procecss, and here we were with it all done and dusted. They were a little suitablly embarassed that it was done so quickly, but they are too obstinate to be bothered really. One thing less they had to do, and they can take the credit for a job all done.

Next step passport. We had been told we could start the passport application at the same time as the BC, but when we went to the passpost office in Feb 16th it was closed for Eid. THat is why we decided to focus on the BC as the passport office would not be reopening til the 21st. After further consideration, and given that I was really unwell with the infection, we decided to head back to Delhi after being away from home for 2 weeks and on the 22d we drove back and were glad to be "home". ON the 23d Sofi went back to school and her teacher said she was remembering everything and having fun. Her playschool is fun. I let the infection subside and asked around about how best we could get the passport quickly, as the usual process takes about 6 weeks, which is quite long. In the end I have submitted the passport application online and have an appointment to take in all the papers on March 8 at 12:45 so let's hope things go smooth and we are able to file the fees for the "tatkal" (emergency) application and it will be done in about 2 weeks. Que sera, sera!

Dr updates

We have been to see a new paeditrician in Delhi just to check in and see how Sofi is progressing.  He was recommended to us by the American Embassy nurse. We came up with some interesting new information about Sofi's birth weight. He has said that since she was 3 kg at 6 & 1/2 months, he estimates she would have been approximately 1.7 kg only at birth! Pretty small. He has tracked her height and weight growth in the past year and said I had done an amazing job of taking her from being soo under on all points, to putting her into the 50th percentile for height and weight. She is now at age exactly 21 months a whopping 12.1 kgs. I am happy she is healthy. He is a little concerned about her head diameter as it is a little small still, but we can demonstrate growth of 2 cms in the last 8 months, so it is not totally an issue. We will have to monitor it and ensure that she is growing. Initially, June 2010 the Dr in Jalanadhar had assessed her as having symmetrical growth delay. Now with her head lagging 10% behing her height and weight, it is slighty assymetric. Also, she is having some slight fungus and wax buildup in her ears that may be the reason she has been cranky and moody this past week - or it might just be that she seems to be teething with her molars. SO it's ear drops and we will clean out those ears. And also she seems to have hay fever or allergies as her nose is runny, so we have to use nasal drops and sprays and suction out the nasal passage every day for the next couple months, to prevent any backflow and chest congestion. She had some shots too, for chicken pox and the final vaccination she needed and she is still all up to date on her shots. We have taken some bloodwork also just to see how her hemaglobin looks, as the Dr was a little concerned, but said it's pretty common for Indian children to have really low levels. We had been giving Sofi SFe iron supplements twice a day for 6 months last year, so I am hopeful her levels will not be worrying anymore. But we will check on everything next week when we go back to see the Dr. Still have to collect and deliver a stool sample! Sofi is now 82.5 cms tall. 50th percentile. So all in all, for a child who was clearly suffering from "failure to thrive" according to the Dr, he said I had done an amazing job of getting her to thrive so well so quickly. I know it is Sofi who thrives from her own inner strength. She is a fighter and that's how she found me.

--
Jackie

It's a wonderful life...

Time flies. Another 6 weeks since any update from me. GOOD NEWS! This Valentines Day, I was given the best gift of my life... Sofi and I officially finally legally became mother and daughter!!! It's a big relief to know that she is now mine. We had been to Jalandhar many times, it was exhausting, going on the train on Thursday the 20th for our 21st appearance, only to be told by the judge no news and no decision could be made. Luckily though he gave us a quick next date for Tuesday the 25th (the day before Republic Day). SO we went back to Delhi by train Friday evening, only to have to go back on the Monday for the next appearance.  We drove down and Sofi did not sleep for even a minute, so it felt like a really really long 8 hours. Needless to say, almost immediately after checking into the Radission she passed out. We wernt to court and were told - yes, you guessed it - he was still not ready to make a decision. I had anticipated this, and since the following day was a national holiday, i assumed we would not get another hearing until Thursday - which is exactly what happened. The lawyer was impressed that we had figured out a little of the rhythm of the Indian courts. On Thursday the 27th, the judge promised us he would give the Adoption Order that afternoon. We wanted it to be done in front of us, but no such luck. I pressed for a speedy writing up the Order, as another typical delay is it taking forever for the judge's clerk and stenographers to write up an Order. After chasing it daily, the Adoption Order was declared and issued on that day, the 27th, but it took another 2 weeks to get a copy of it written up.

Not shockingly, yet another issue arose. I was informed by the lawyer the judge would be approving the order only with me putting up a surety bond. I was told a Jalandhar property of a 3d person had to be put up. This was an impossible requirement. We thought about whether we could put up another property in India. And then after some thought, I told the lawyer that I refused to give another surety. Apparently there is some old supreme court case saying a bond should be given. I believe this applied to cases proceeding under the GAWA (Guardians and Wards Act) where the adoption is not complete when the child leaves India. It makes sense a surety should be required to encourage people to make sure they complete the adoption in their home country. Apparently there have been cases of people taking children, essentially as slaves, and subjecting them to a life of nelgect and abuse in varied ways. We all agree these abuses must be abolsihed but is there really anyway to guarantee it gets completely eliminated? I am not sure. The process gets harder and harder, but even the dedicated sincere parents-to-be get scared off, so there are more children left to fester in orphanages where they experience a different type of abuse and neglect and deprivation. So it is hard, either way. I reminded my lawyer that I had paid alot of money to my US agency and they had already given a bond on my behalf in case of any problems and that surely had to satisfy any bond requirement. I stood firm on this point. At my insistence the lawyer made an application to the court to finalize the order without any further monetary surety. I went alone to Jalandhar on Feb 10th and luckily the judge accepted my status as an officer of the court, as a lawyer, and accepted a personal bond from me. Another hurdle cleared.

We took a much needed weekend off and attended Anahat Pirzada and Gursimran Sibia's wedding in Chandigarh. We stayed in the Taj. Yummy overeating at the breakfast buffet every day! In a year of what has seemed interminable process, this was a brilliant time to let it all hang out. Great food, music and everything. The best sangeet ever, with Arif Lohar playing 4 hours at least of rocking Punjabi music, and I danced my little heart out for the first time in ages. Sofi slept soundly at the hotel. She came out for a few functions, like the Mehndi as it was a daytime affair, and she behaved really well. Took a nap after some time. And danced a little too.  Sofi also came to the Anand Karaj at the farm and had some good running around and then a deep sleep nap amidst the lush greenery.

After all the wedding festivities, we set off on Valentines Day to Jalandhar. We had an appointment to meet the lawyer and to go to the Registrar to obtain the Adoption Deed. The last pieace. We did it!!! And the lawyer put out a little happy story in the papers the next day to let people know of some of the good things that happen. It appeared in the Kesari and perhaps another paper in Hindi. Have saved a copy for Sofi.

Other than that, we have been going to school and Sofi just loves it. She is singing some of the songs and tunes at home. And after 2 weeks of not being in school, this week she remembered so much and had a great time. It is nice to be back in Delhi, our home away from home. We had a school picnic at the Rail Museum on Feb 25th and that was fun, having a picnic and riding the toy train. Sofi pretty much has all her main teeth now, but seems to be teething her molars and has fevers and some unhappy hours from time to time, but generally a happy, bubbly, loving, wonderful child. I am very lucky to have her!

Time is flying by...

Once again I find that weeks have passed by in a blur.

Sofi has started playschool at Julia Gabriel in Saket at the DLF Place mall. She is enjoying it thoroughly. Her favourite bits are music time, and activity time which usually includes some kind of painting. Snack time is also nice and she is learning to eat by herself sitting properly and starting to drink juice for the first time as she never liked it before. The other kids range in age from about 18 months to 30 months. Sofi is currently almost 20 months. It's a mummy and me class so I am enjoying it too. Lots of singing and dancing. Play time is fun too as she is learning to play with new and different toys. Story time and the magic box not so much able to keep her attention. Overall she is really enjoying it and when we get her ready in the morning and ask her if she wants to go to school, she is excited and happy.

We were set to go to Court on Jan 12th, and I sat at the airport that morning for hours and then all flights to Amritsar were cancelled! The judge used this excuse to postpone but luckily gave us a quick date of Jan 21st. He promised he would issue the Order on the 21st. Sofi and I took the train to Jalandhar with Pratima on the 20th, staying at the Radisson, and went to Court. But, again, the judge did not issue the Order. He gave us another date for the 25th. So we hauled back to Delhi on the 21st by train, rested a little over the weekend, and then as we were unable to get train tickets at such short notice, we drove back to Jalandhar all day on the 24th. However, again, no Order from the judge.

We stayed in Jalandhar over India's 62d Repubilic Day, and invited 9 of the older girls to lunch with us at the Radisson - mainly the ones who don't have a chance to get adopted. Then we went to Amritsar to the Golden Temple for Sofi's 1st visit. We prayed for a speedy resolution of her case, so we can go back home.

Back to Court on the 27th. I am confident that the judge was moved by seeing Sofi again in Court. It could not just remain yet another case from Nari Niketan. He had seemed insensitive to the need for urgency and priority for these cases before. But seeing the child whose life is in limbo because his caseload is too heavy does bring out his human compassion. He promised he would issue the Order that afternoon.

On the morning of the 28th we learned that he verbally gave the Order, but... weirdly, he demands that a Jalandhar property valued at least 8 lakhs ($??) be put up as a surety. We cannot do this. We are now again looking for a solution. It may be that we can satisfy the judge with a monetary surety bond. It is not mandatory that judges demand a surety, but it is not uncommon for courts scattered all over the country to ask for it. Apparently there is a Supreme Court case on this issue. I will now wait for the Order to be written up (the judge promised me it would be ready by Monday/Tuesday) and then we will see what we can do to overcome the latest obstacle to completing Sofi's adoption.

2011 update...

It's hard to believe another couple of weeks has passed and we are already into 2011. I have now been here 9 & 1.2 months.
Sofi is flourishing and has more energy than the energeizer bunny so she is keeping us busy and amused.  Her daily wake-up time is around 6 a.m. and she is usually in bed by 7 or 8.  And takes a nap for anywhere from 1-3 hours in the day. 
We got back to Delhi and despite severe weather problems my mum got off to London without any delays. And we had a few days here with several girls of all ages who are from Nari Niketan which was fun and boisterous. Tanya and Pooja came to Delhi for a week for their Xmas break and we got to spend loads of quality time with them and do lots of fun teen girl and kid stuff, as well as eat lots of yummy foods they don't normally get. It is really really cold and the homes are not well equipped for it so it's lots of layers all the time trying to stay warm.
Sadly I just had a really awful gastric infection which lasted a week and has really drained me and meant that Sofi has been cooped up inside a fair amount. But a boost of medicine and fluids at the hospital and I am on the road to reocvery. And we are starting to get out and about again. We went to Sanaa and Aarshia's birthday party today and after her nap Sofi played with some of the kids in the building and then we went to the Imperial hotel for a meal and she behaved quite well.
Exciting development is that Sofi starts play school at Julia Gabriel on Monday. 3 days a week, 2 hours a day. Mummies play with the kids and it's supposed to be loads of fun.
The 1st to court dates were uneventful. So far we are just submitting evidence and the judge hasn't had to decide anything. I go back this Wednesday, Jan 12th for the 3d hearing. This is the 1st date where the judge could actually issue the adoption order. I hope for it, but do not expect it to be issued the 1st time. So no idea when this thing will be completed, but we are making baby steps all the time.
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Jackie