NOC arrived last week on Monday and I hoped to take the file to the lawyer on Tuesday. It is amazing that not even one thing ever happens as it should. It appears there is alot of in-fighting and office politics among the managers, greed amongst the lawyers to get fees for work not done, and talking in circles, non-responsiveness, or long stories that say nothing, as usual, so that you can never get a straight answer or simple action to move things forward. Let's hope on Monday I get the file and we can proceed to get the adoption case filed. If we are lucky, only 2-3 months. If not, 4-6 months or more.
As soon as Sofi is feeling better, we are going to Amritsar to pray for a speedy resolution to this ordeal so that we can leave.
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Saturday, October 30, 2010
de-lousing time!
Finally, Sofi is home with me full time. Sadly, the poor thing has a severe chest congestion and sounds like darth vadar so neither of us is sleeping much yet. It's no fun taking lots of medicine and supplements and both of us neing inaugurated to a nebulizer. She is not eating much either.
It has been 2 whole days Sofi has not been to the ashram and I think she is fine on the whole, but she is no doubt missing all the fun and commotion of all the kids being around. It's pretty quiet at our house. Thank goodness we have 2 big dogs to keep her amused. We went back to the ashram today to try to work on her papers, to be given the run around again, more delays, but she had fun playing with her friends. She was happy to go there, but also happy to leave. We also went to the park and she rode on a slide for the 1st time and liked it. Then she got sleepy so it's home and now a nap.
Scary thing tho is that since she has been home, I noticed she was itching her head alot. She did this when I first met her, leading to her 1st home made haircut to remove the lice eggs. I have been keeping it short as alot of the kids are heavily infested with lice and they hug and kiss her alot. Today, I sadly saw the 1st actual lice in Sofi's hair while we were at the ashram. So, out it was with the lice comb and 15 critters later, we think we made some headway on the problem. Poor thing.It will be daily delousing sessions and time to remove the eggs too. Maybe time for another crew cut!
I was getting paranoid every time my scalp itches. Yuck, but I found for the 1st time ever, I too have lice!!! It was bound to happen with Sofi and alot of the kids having it, especially since they love to hug me and their heads were often right up against mine. So, the little critters jumped ship. I had also been keeping my hair short to avoid this, but it happened anyway.
It's not the fault of this children, the places they come from and the ashram too are an envionment where it is hard to keep away from it. Also, no one takes it too seriously so it just persists and new kids arrive with it, old kids pass it on, and so it goes.
There are soo many issues for Sofi to deal with and yet she is pretty happy and outgoing despite it all.
#
It has been 2 whole days Sofi has not been to the ashram and I think she is fine on the whole, but she is no doubt missing all the fun and commotion of all the kids being around. It's pretty quiet at our house. Thank goodness we have 2 big dogs to keep her amused. We went back to the ashram today to try to work on her papers, to be given the run around again, more delays, but she had fun playing with her friends. She was happy to go there, but also happy to leave. We also went to the park and she rode on a slide for the 1st time and liked it. Then she got sleepy so it's home and now a nap.
Scary thing tho is that since she has been home, I noticed she was itching her head alot. She did this when I first met her, leading to her 1st home made haircut to remove the lice eggs. I have been keeping it short as alot of the kids are heavily infested with lice and they hug and kiss her alot. Today, I sadly saw the 1st actual lice in Sofi's hair while we were at the ashram. So, out it was with the lice comb and 15 critters later, we think we made some headway on the problem. Poor thing.It will be daily delousing sessions and time to remove the eggs too. Maybe time for another crew cut!
I was getting paranoid every time my scalp itches. Yuck, but I found for the 1st time ever, I too have lice!!! It was bound to happen with Sofi and alot of the kids having it, especially since they love to hug me and their heads were often right up against mine. So, the little critters jumped ship. I had also been keeping my hair short to avoid this, but it happened anyway.
It's not the fault of this children, the places they come from and the ashram too are an envionment where it is hard to keep away from it. Also, no one takes it too seriously so it just persists and new kids arrive with it, old kids pass it on, and so it goes.
There are soo many issues for Sofi to deal with and yet she is pretty happy and outgoing despite it all.
#
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Felines and Friends
My biggest concern taking Sofi out of the ashram was wondering how she would handle the peace and quiet. When I first met Sofi, she was only close to the ladies in the babies room as they were the ones looking after her. At that time, she was not close to the children. However, over the past 6 months, she has grown really close to the kids and loves to play with them and they all run around and have fun. Some of the time when I am not there, the kids kept her happy. So in taking her away and taking her "home" with me, I was worried that she would miss all that.
Luckily so far she has been absolutely fine. She is pretty adaptable that way as most little kids are. We think they need things a certain way, but they are great at just going with whatever is going on. We had a nice outing to the store yesterday and she liked that. Today we are going out again, as Sofi just likes being around people. The housekeepers here at my Uncle's house are just loving having her around. She is like a little princess here.
Also at the ashram Sofi realized her love of animals. The stray cat and her 2 kittens had been coming around for the last few months and Sofi just went crazy happy every time they appeared. Any irritation is usually calmed by shouting out "mow" and she runs to see them. Sofi also loves to pretend to be a cat, crawling on all fours, saying "mow" and waiting to be petted. At home here we hae 2 big dogs which she also likes... from a distance as they are a bit scary for her. We also had discovered Baby Einstein's neighbourhood animals DVD that she likes, so we also put on Animal Planet on the tv and she loves seeing anmals.
We are just waiting for the ashram to resolve some issues about which lawyer is to be appointed and then I will be trying to get the adoption case filed ASAP. Once the case is filed we will be shifting to my grandmother's house in Burail village in sector 45 of Chandigarh. I am looking forward to that and being in our own home finally.
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Luckily so far she has been absolutely fine. She is pretty adaptable that way as most little kids are. We think they need things a certain way, but they are great at just going with whatever is going on. We had a nice outing to the store yesterday and she liked that. Today we are going out again, as Sofi just likes being around people. The housekeepers here at my Uncle's house are just loving having her around. She is like a little princess here.
Also at the ashram Sofi realized her love of animals. The stray cat and her 2 kittens had been coming around for the last few months and Sofi just went crazy happy every time they appeared. Any irritation is usually calmed by shouting out "mow" and she runs to see them. Sofi also loves to pretend to be a cat, crawling on all fours, saying "mow" and waiting to be petted. At home here we hae 2 big dogs which she also likes... from a distance as they are a bit scary for her. We also had discovered Baby Einstein's neighbourhood animals DVD that she likes, so we also put on Animal Planet on the tv and she loves seeing anmals.
We are just waiting for the ashram to resolve some issues about which lawyer is to be appointed and then I will be trying to get the adoption case filed ASAP. Once the case is filed we will be shifting to my grandmother's house in Burail village in sector 45 of Chandigarh. I am looking forward to that and being in our own home finally.
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Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Custody at last!
Around 6 months after meeting Sofi, and endless delays in paperwork, I finally have been given custody of Sofi. It is really nice to have some quiet time just the two of us, finally. Sofi's first night with me we treated ourselves to samosa and gulab jamun - her favourites. Sofi fell asleep at 9 exhausted. Sadly she is again sick and stayed up all night coughing and having a hard time breathing so neither of us got much sleep. But still Sofi was up at 5:30 smiling and babbling and playing. We had a great 1st morning, with porridge, and then another visit to the ashram to deal with the next round of paperwork and next series of obstacles and delay. It is amazing that they never seem to run out of some reason to stall the process. Now some peoblem appointing the lawyer to file the case that will declare me Sofi's mother. If only they could put any energy toward getting things done instead of letting files just languish under neglect. Sadly it is the children who remain stuck in the ashram while this happens. The people are quick to ramble on incessantly about all the deficiencies of the system, and others, but there is blatant lack of action on their part to just get on with it. It is beyond frustrating. It is really tough to remain positive with daily assaults about one thing or another. But plod on we must.
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Monday, October 25, 2010
origin of the babies and children at the ashram
People are curious about the babies and children at the ashram. Naturally, I am not able to discuss any particular child, but in general there is a common theme - they are nearly all girls. I have read that abortions of girls and infanticide of females is extremely high in this state of Punjab. It is believed that parents are ok with 1 girl, and can accept a 2d sometimes, but a 3d girl is difficult for them to handle. There is still an outdated notion of girls being a burden and so parents, or often it would be their families, are not too thrilled to have a girl. It appears to also relate to whether they already have a boy or not. It is odd, given that it is increasingly common for the Punjabi males to have a serious problem with alcohol or drugs, but that is the way it is.
Many of the babies who end up at the ashram come without any history or background. They are abandoned at various places and end up here. The wonderful part is that almost every child here is getting adopted into really affluent families where they will have lifestyles their parents could not even dream of.
I was lucky to have googled general articles on adoption and have found THE article of Sofi's story. She was found abandoned in a bush under a by-pass in the town of Hoshiarpur and her wailing was heard by a passerby who then took her to the hospital; she was transferred the next day to Nari Niketan and eventually she was offered to me. Sofi was suffering from quite a few injuries to the head and her left eye and had to have a transfusion of blood in the hospital when they found her. She was very weak and severely malnourished, and was continuously ill even for the 1st 3 months that I was with her, until the medical treatment and love, food, and supplements started to kick in. She was barely 5 kgs at 11 months and is a healthy 10 kgs at 17 months! There is no way to know who her biological parents were or why they had to give her up.
There are also quite a few cases where the parents are too poor to afford the required medical treatment and seem to give them up for that reason. The ashram takes care of the children and pays for their medical treatment, and most of them then are adopted into good families.
It is also a common story that the parents split up or one or both of the parents are deceased and so there is no one to look after the children.
The ashram is doing something really wonderful in finding good homes for the children with special needs and the older children who would normally not have a chance to be adopted.
The numer of children coming into the official adoption system is dropping dramatically each year in India, despite the huge number of homeless and poor abandoned children, so I am extremely fortunate to have found Sofi.
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Many of the babies who end up at the ashram come without any history or background. They are abandoned at various places and end up here. The wonderful part is that almost every child here is getting adopted into really affluent families where they will have lifestyles their parents could not even dream of.
I was lucky to have googled general articles on adoption and have found THE article of Sofi's story. She was found abandoned in a bush under a by-pass in the town of Hoshiarpur and her wailing was heard by a passerby who then took her to the hospital; she was transferred the next day to Nari Niketan and eventually she was offered to me. Sofi was suffering from quite a few injuries to the head and her left eye and had to have a transfusion of blood in the hospital when they found her. She was very weak and severely malnourished, and was continuously ill even for the 1st 3 months that I was with her, until the medical treatment and love, food, and supplements started to kick in. She was barely 5 kgs at 11 months and is a healthy 10 kgs at 17 months! There is no way to know who her biological parents were or why they had to give her up.
There are also quite a few cases where the parents are too poor to afford the required medical treatment and seem to give them up for that reason. The ashram takes care of the children and pays for their medical treatment, and most of them then are adopted into good families.
It is also a common story that the parents split up or one or both of the parents are deceased and so there is no one to look after the children.
The ashram is doing something really wonderful in finding good homes for the children with special needs and the older children who would normally not have a chance to be adopted.
The numer of children coming into the official adoption system is dropping dramatically each year in India, despite the huge number of homeless and poor abandoned children, so I am extremely fortunate to have found Sofi.
#
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Hallelulah!!! NOC has been issued.
I almost cannot believe it is done, as it's been such a delayed process, but the Indian government's agency CARA (Central Adoption Resouce Authority), in New Delhi, has yesterday issued the crucial No Objection Certificate.
I had personally submitted the papers on Sept 15th, expected clearance around the 28th, had some delays and when I went in yesterday to check on things, it turns out they had lost the Article 5 letter that the US Embassy had sent back in August. Some quick running around, bluffing my way into the Embassy without an appointment, begging them to immediately get me another copy, and they happily obliged, running back to CARA and astonishing them that within about an hour I was back with the missing Article 5. Apparently this eagerness impressed them as they were touched to have someone soo enthusiastic to be a parent and they found my attitude to be really positive and made them feel good to issue NOC. I told them I was praying to take custody of Sofi before Diwali so we could start the next year together and this touched them. Although they told me it wouldn't be ready until Thursday, unbeknownst to me, they immediately issued the NOC and couriered it back to the orphanage in Jalandhar. Sadly they would not let me carry it, saying they had to send it directly to the orphanage, but it is hoped to arrive in 4-5 days.
Now I am allowed to finally take physical custody of Sofi. A huge step forward. It will be a relief to have her with me instead of having to go to visit her at the orphanage. No doubt it will mark a big milestone in our relationship as we will now have private time to bond and we will able to do normal things, like go to the park, play with toys, watch baby einstein, have mummy-made food, etc. It is really exciting to be one step forward.
Next step to taking custody, is that I just have to finalize the affidavit required for custody; so a little more running around in the outdoor law chambers in Jalandhar. Am rushing back on the train tonight so we can work on getting the case filed ASAP. The ashram has not yet appointed a lawyer, so it will be another round of pressing and pushing things to be done now, instead of whenever someone can be bothered. And hopefully before the inevitable shutdown over Diwali! And appointing my own lawyer to ensure things proceed as best as possible. Since the Jalandhar courts have been going super slow with adoptions lately, it will no doubt be delays in getting hearing dates, adjournments, and more tests in patience and tolerance. At least Sofi will be with me though.
After the adoption case, then it's time to get her a birth certificate, an Indian passport, a visa for the US, trying to figure out if/how she will be able to get permission to enter the UK, and hopefully on a plane outta here to London and eventually the US of A.
Today is a good day! I am grateful to be one huge step closer to being declared Sofi's legal mother.
I had personally submitted the papers on Sept 15th, expected clearance around the 28th, had some delays and when I went in yesterday to check on things, it turns out they had lost the Article 5 letter that the US Embassy had sent back in August. Some quick running around, bluffing my way into the Embassy without an appointment, begging them to immediately get me another copy, and they happily obliged, running back to CARA and astonishing them that within about an hour I was back with the missing Article 5. Apparently this eagerness impressed them as they were touched to have someone soo enthusiastic to be a parent and they found my attitude to be really positive and made them feel good to issue NOC. I told them I was praying to take custody of Sofi before Diwali so we could start the next year together and this touched them. Although they told me it wouldn't be ready until Thursday, unbeknownst to me, they immediately issued the NOC and couriered it back to the orphanage in Jalandhar. Sadly they would not let me carry it, saying they had to send it directly to the orphanage, but it is hoped to arrive in 4-5 days.
Now I am allowed to finally take physical custody of Sofi. A huge step forward. It will be a relief to have her with me instead of having to go to visit her at the orphanage. No doubt it will mark a big milestone in our relationship as we will now have private time to bond and we will able to do normal things, like go to the park, play with toys, watch baby einstein, have mummy-made food, etc. It is really exciting to be one step forward.
Next step to taking custody, is that I just have to finalize the affidavit required for custody; so a little more running around in the outdoor law chambers in Jalandhar. Am rushing back on the train tonight so we can work on getting the case filed ASAP. The ashram has not yet appointed a lawyer, so it will be another round of pressing and pushing things to be done now, instead of whenever someone can be bothered. And hopefully before the inevitable shutdown over Diwali! And appointing my own lawyer to ensure things proceed as best as possible. Since the Jalandhar courts have been going super slow with adoptions lately, it will no doubt be delays in getting hearing dates, adjournments, and more tests in patience and tolerance. At least Sofi will be with me though.
After the adoption case, then it's time to get her a birth certificate, an Indian passport, a visa for the US, trying to figure out if/how she will be able to get permission to enter the UK, and hopefully on a plane outta here to London and eventually the US of A.
Today is a good day! I am grateful to be one huge step closer to being declared Sofi's legal mother.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Government paperwork is finally pending at CARA...
All summer long, as I melted in the unusually high temperatures with rare moments in the AC, I was praying and asking the ashram to send my file to the official Indian government agency, CARA (Central Adoption Resource Authority). It is CARA's NOC (no objection clearance) that is crucial in progressing things. After NOC is when I will finally be able to take custody of Sofi - as long as we stay within India - while the adoption case gets started and ends.
I had been asking that the ashram send the papers to CARA since early July. July passed with no movement. August passed with a constant stream of promises and excuses. September continued with more of the same. It is hard to see why things just languish and instead of things getting done, they just don't get done. Everyone who hears how long and horrible things are for me here just assumes this must be a case of someone looking for a bribe! No one has asked directly. The senior people are honest and sincere, but ineffective, instead leaving everything to the managers. The managers are rude and insensitive both to the children in general, but also to the fact that their lack of competency is ruining their lives. It appears to be difficult for them to look beyond their own petty egos and their apparent inappropriate greed and focus on the fact that they are responsible for placing children in homes quickly. Slowly and painfully appear to be their motto. Many cases are just dragging on for ages. They apparently have no time to do the simple paperwork, but plenty of time to bother me about where I can sit, stand, or who I can or cannot talk to, where the driver cannot sit, and all other petty little matters constituting severe harassment - making this a pretty miserable experience overall. Thank goodness Sofi is there and the kids are just a ray of sunshine in all of this. It is playing with them everyday that makes it all worthwile. I have really become attached and fond of each one of them. And it is touching that all were so happy to see me today after me having been absent for 5 days - the longest by far I have ever not come to the ashram since May 1.
Finally, a call from the President and an on-site visit from the Treasurer on September 13 led to action on my case - an order that the managers do whatever was missing on my CARA application without any further delays. The petty managers were finally chastised! Suddenly, within about 24 hours, the papers were finished!!! WHat had not been done in almost 3 months was completed in about a day. I could not believe my luck. Fearful of further delays and inaction, I took the papers myself to CARA and they were finally delivered on September 15 to the people in charge. Relief.
I asked CARA when it was likely I could get clearance, I was told to check back in 2 weeks. I made a special trip to Delhi to do just that only to be told they are all out of the office on a conference. There was similarly no action the week before due to a different conference. And once I finally got in to see them this Monday, I was told the person in charge is on leave!
Sadly, my Indian experience has been that it is amazing anything ever gets done. One has to be extremely patient and persistent. And one has to learn to keep a smile on your face even though a child's whole life is at stake and no one seems to make it a priority to move things forward. Overall the ashram is giving these kids a life they could never have dreamed of and they are really really lucky to be here. But more needs to be done.
I had been asking that the ashram send the papers to CARA since early July. July passed with no movement. August passed with a constant stream of promises and excuses. September continued with more of the same. It is hard to see why things just languish and instead of things getting done, they just don't get done. Everyone who hears how long and horrible things are for me here just assumes this must be a case of someone looking for a bribe! No one has asked directly. The senior people are honest and sincere, but ineffective, instead leaving everything to the managers. The managers are rude and insensitive both to the children in general, but also to the fact that their lack of competency is ruining their lives. It appears to be difficult for them to look beyond their own petty egos and their apparent inappropriate greed and focus on the fact that they are responsible for placing children in homes quickly. Slowly and painfully appear to be their motto. Many cases are just dragging on for ages. They apparently have no time to do the simple paperwork, but plenty of time to bother me about where I can sit, stand, or who I can or cannot talk to, where the driver cannot sit, and all other petty little matters constituting severe harassment - making this a pretty miserable experience overall. Thank goodness Sofi is there and the kids are just a ray of sunshine in all of this. It is playing with them everyday that makes it all worthwile. I have really become attached and fond of each one of them. And it is touching that all were so happy to see me today after me having been absent for 5 days - the longest by far I have ever not come to the ashram since May 1.
Finally, a call from the President and an on-site visit from the Treasurer on September 13 led to action on my case - an order that the managers do whatever was missing on my CARA application without any further delays. The petty managers were finally chastised! Suddenly, within about 24 hours, the papers were finished!!! WHat had not been done in almost 3 months was completed in about a day. I could not believe my luck. Fearful of further delays and inaction, I took the papers myself to CARA and they were finally delivered on September 15 to the people in charge. Relief.
I asked CARA when it was likely I could get clearance, I was told to check back in 2 weeks. I made a special trip to Delhi to do just that only to be told they are all out of the office on a conference. There was similarly no action the week before due to a different conference. And once I finally got in to see them this Monday, I was told the person in charge is on leave!
Sadly, my Indian experience has been that it is amazing anything ever gets done. One has to be extremely patient and persistent. And one has to learn to keep a smile on your face even though a child's whole life is at stake and no one seems to make it a priority to move things forward. Overall the ashram is giving these kids a life they could never have dreamed of and they are really really lucky to be here. But more needs to be done.
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