So, since Sofi's release from the ashram on November 2d we have been pretty busy. Some Sofi stomping on the laptop has led us to radio silence, but for now, we are back in communicado. A week of not being well and then some fun in Chandigarh for Diwali was followed by a trip to Bombay to see Jay. It was surprisingly hot and humid so we didn't do alot of getting out and about but it was a nice visit. Then it was back to Delhi to receive my Mum fron London who is currently here visiting for a month. She last saw Sofi on July 13th so she has enjoyed seeing the changes and how Sofi is running around, babbling and communicating in her own special way, and admiring her bubbly personality and magnetic charm. We then all came to my Mum's ancestal place, Sector 45 (formerly the village of Burail) in Chandigarh. We are staying in my grandmother#s house and it is full of activity around here and nonstop hectic. After a burglary of the house, we have been a little anxious but also having fun. Sofi's personality is emerging more and more. She is strong-willed as well as loving and funny. We don't need to turn on the t.v. for entertainment. She is loving that there is a dog who has 6 puppies right outside of our house so playing with them is a frequent pastime. We will be heading back to Delhi in a few days to see my Mum off. In the interim the 1st substantive court hearing in the adoption case is this Monday the 13th. The worry is that here the lawyers and courts find it totally normal to postpone and delay any actual decision-making by adjourning the cases without deciding anything or just putting things off to the next date, and then giving long gaps between dates. We have put the Supreme Court Pandey case to the court's attention as it directs the courts to complete adoption cases in 2 months - but it is a guide and not a mandate so one cannot have any set of expectations, just hope!
--
Jackie
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
getting into the groove
After a rough weekend with both Sofi very sick and me falling ill, we have made it through and are starting to have alot of fun and getting out and about. She is still suffering for a really bad chest congestion, but she is getting more energetic. And keeping me on my toes.
She was missing the ashram and all the people and kids, and has enjoyed going off and playing with the kids on the few occassions we have had to go back to deal with paperwork. But also fine to leave. Sofi is pretty adaptable which is great.
It took another week chasing the ashram people to essentially just give us all the papers I had sent them originally. They are really unbelievably obstreperous and don't know when to just give it up! But we have now met with the lawyer, and got to give him the papers yesterday. The pleadings were drafted in a day and ready to be filed tomorrow! Hopefully there won't be any problems getting it filed. I can't believe there is a chance it will be filed before Diwali but it's a possibility. If that happens, we go to court on Thursday for the 1st hearing, which is essentially just to get a date for our 1st real substantive hearing.
In the case, I am the Petitioner, askign the court to declare me Sofi's mother. We have pleaded in the alternative HAMA, GAWA and JJ Act just to be on the safe side, but we are hoping it will be approved under JJ Act as that will be a proper adoption Deed at the end. The 1st real hearing will be for the ashram to respond that they do not object. The hearing after that is for the statements of the parties. And the final hearing is for arguments. And if all goes well, then we will be given the adoption order, and finally the adoption Deed. We probably won't get the 1st substantive hear
#
She was missing the ashram and all the people and kids, and has enjoyed going off and playing with the kids on the few occassions we have had to go back to deal with paperwork. But also fine to leave. Sofi is pretty adaptable which is great.
It took another week chasing the ashram people to essentially just give us all the papers I had sent them originally. They are really unbelievably obstreperous and don't know when to just give it up! But we have now met with the lawyer, and got to give him the papers yesterday. The pleadings were drafted in a day and ready to be filed tomorrow! Hopefully there won't be any problems getting it filed. I can't believe there is a chance it will be filed before Diwali but it's a possibility. If that happens, we go to court on Thursday for the 1st hearing, which is essentially just to get a date for our 1st real substantive hearing.
In the case, I am the Petitioner, askign the court to declare me Sofi's mother. We have pleaded in the alternative HAMA, GAWA and JJ Act just to be on the safe side, but we are hoping it will be approved under JJ Act as that will be a proper adoption Deed at the end. The 1st real hearing will be for the ashram to respond that they do not object. The hearing after that is for the statements of the parties. And the final hearing is for arguments. And if all goes well, then we will be given the adoption order, and finally the adoption Deed. We probably won't get the 1st substantive hear
#
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Lawyers and cases
NOC arrived last week on Monday and I hoped to take the file to the lawyer on Tuesday. It is amazing that not even one thing ever happens as it should. It appears there is alot of in-fighting and office politics among the managers, greed amongst the lawyers to get fees for work not done, and talking in circles, non-responsiveness, or long stories that say nothing, as usual, so that you can never get a straight answer or simple action to move things forward. Let's hope on Monday I get the file and we can proceed to get the adoption case filed. If we are lucky, only 2-3 months. If not, 4-6 months or more.
As soon as Sofi is feeling better, we are going to Amritsar to pray for a speedy resolution to this ordeal so that we can leave.
#
As soon as Sofi is feeling better, we are going to Amritsar to pray for a speedy resolution to this ordeal so that we can leave.
#
de-lousing time!
Finally, Sofi is home with me full time. Sadly, the poor thing has a severe chest congestion and sounds like darth vadar so neither of us is sleeping much yet. It's no fun taking lots of medicine and supplements and both of us neing inaugurated to a nebulizer. She is not eating much either.
It has been 2 whole days Sofi has not been to the ashram and I think she is fine on the whole, but she is no doubt missing all the fun and commotion of all the kids being around. It's pretty quiet at our house. Thank goodness we have 2 big dogs to keep her amused. We went back to the ashram today to try to work on her papers, to be given the run around again, more delays, but she had fun playing with her friends. She was happy to go there, but also happy to leave. We also went to the park and she rode on a slide for the 1st time and liked it. Then she got sleepy so it's home and now a nap.
Scary thing tho is that since she has been home, I noticed she was itching her head alot. She did this when I first met her, leading to her 1st home made haircut to remove the lice eggs. I have been keeping it short as alot of the kids are heavily infested with lice and they hug and kiss her alot. Today, I sadly saw the 1st actual lice in Sofi's hair while we were at the ashram. So, out it was with the lice comb and 15 critters later, we think we made some headway on the problem. Poor thing.It will be daily delousing sessions and time to remove the eggs too. Maybe time for another crew cut!
I was getting paranoid every time my scalp itches. Yuck, but I found for the 1st time ever, I too have lice!!! It was bound to happen with Sofi and alot of the kids having it, especially since they love to hug me and their heads were often right up against mine. So, the little critters jumped ship. I had also been keeping my hair short to avoid this, but it happened anyway.
It's not the fault of this children, the places they come from and the ashram too are an envionment where it is hard to keep away from it. Also, no one takes it too seriously so it just persists and new kids arrive with it, old kids pass it on, and so it goes.
There are soo many issues for Sofi to deal with and yet she is pretty happy and outgoing despite it all.
#
It has been 2 whole days Sofi has not been to the ashram and I think she is fine on the whole, but she is no doubt missing all the fun and commotion of all the kids being around. It's pretty quiet at our house. Thank goodness we have 2 big dogs to keep her amused. We went back to the ashram today to try to work on her papers, to be given the run around again, more delays, but she had fun playing with her friends. She was happy to go there, but also happy to leave. We also went to the park and she rode on a slide for the 1st time and liked it. Then she got sleepy so it's home and now a nap.
Scary thing tho is that since she has been home, I noticed she was itching her head alot. She did this when I first met her, leading to her 1st home made haircut to remove the lice eggs. I have been keeping it short as alot of the kids are heavily infested with lice and they hug and kiss her alot. Today, I sadly saw the 1st actual lice in Sofi's hair while we were at the ashram. So, out it was with the lice comb and 15 critters later, we think we made some headway on the problem. Poor thing.It will be daily delousing sessions and time to remove the eggs too. Maybe time for another crew cut!
I was getting paranoid every time my scalp itches. Yuck, but I found for the 1st time ever, I too have lice!!! It was bound to happen with Sofi and alot of the kids having it, especially since they love to hug me and their heads were often right up against mine. So, the little critters jumped ship. I had also been keeping my hair short to avoid this, but it happened anyway.
It's not the fault of this children, the places they come from and the ashram too are an envionment where it is hard to keep away from it. Also, no one takes it too seriously so it just persists and new kids arrive with it, old kids pass it on, and so it goes.
There are soo many issues for Sofi to deal with and yet she is pretty happy and outgoing despite it all.
#
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Felines and Friends
My biggest concern taking Sofi out of the ashram was wondering how she would handle the peace and quiet. When I first met Sofi, she was only close to the ladies in the babies room as they were the ones looking after her. At that time, she was not close to the children. However, over the past 6 months, she has grown really close to the kids and loves to play with them and they all run around and have fun. Some of the time when I am not there, the kids kept her happy. So in taking her away and taking her "home" with me, I was worried that she would miss all that.
Luckily so far she has been absolutely fine. She is pretty adaptable that way as most little kids are. We think they need things a certain way, but they are great at just going with whatever is going on. We had a nice outing to the store yesterday and she liked that. Today we are going out again, as Sofi just likes being around people. The housekeepers here at my Uncle's house are just loving having her around. She is like a little princess here.
Also at the ashram Sofi realized her love of animals. The stray cat and her 2 kittens had been coming around for the last few months and Sofi just went crazy happy every time they appeared. Any irritation is usually calmed by shouting out "mow" and she runs to see them. Sofi also loves to pretend to be a cat, crawling on all fours, saying "mow" and waiting to be petted. At home here we hae 2 big dogs which she also likes... from a distance as they are a bit scary for her. We also had discovered Baby Einstein's neighbourhood animals DVD that she likes, so we also put on Animal Planet on the tv and she loves seeing anmals.
We are just waiting for the ashram to resolve some issues about which lawyer is to be appointed and then I will be trying to get the adoption case filed ASAP. Once the case is filed we will be shifting to my grandmother's house in Burail village in sector 45 of Chandigarh. I am looking forward to that and being in our own home finally.
#
Luckily so far she has been absolutely fine. She is pretty adaptable that way as most little kids are. We think they need things a certain way, but they are great at just going with whatever is going on. We had a nice outing to the store yesterday and she liked that. Today we are going out again, as Sofi just likes being around people. The housekeepers here at my Uncle's house are just loving having her around. She is like a little princess here.
Also at the ashram Sofi realized her love of animals. The stray cat and her 2 kittens had been coming around for the last few months and Sofi just went crazy happy every time they appeared. Any irritation is usually calmed by shouting out "mow" and she runs to see them. Sofi also loves to pretend to be a cat, crawling on all fours, saying "mow" and waiting to be petted. At home here we hae 2 big dogs which she also likes... from a distance as they are a bit scary for her. We also had discovered Baby Einstein's neighbourhood animals DVD that she likes, so we also put on Animal Planet on the tv and she loves seeing anmals.
We are just waiting for the ashram to resolve some issues about which lawyer is to be appointed and then I will be trying to get the adoption case filed ASAP. Once the case is filed we will be shifting to my grandmother's house in Burail village in sector 45 of Chandigarh. I am looking forward to that and being in our own home finally.
#
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Custody at last!
Around 6 months after meeting Sofi, and endless delays in paperwork, I finally have been given custody of Sofi. It is really nice to have some quiet time just the two of us, finally. Sofi's first night with me we treated ourselves to samosa and gulab jamun - her favourites. Sofi fell asleep at 9 exhausted. Sadly she is again sick and stayed up all night coughing and having a hard time breathing so neither of us got much sleep. But still Sofi was up at 5:30 smiling and babbling and playing. We had a great 1st morning, with porridge, and then another visit to the ashram to deal with the next round of paperwork and next series of obstacles and delay. It is amazing that they never seem to run out of some reason to stall the process. Now some peoblem appointing the lawyer to file the case that will declare me Sofi's mother. If only they could put any energy toward getting things done instead of letting files just languish under neglect. Sadly it is the children who remain stuck in the ashram while this happens. The people are quick to ramble on incessantly about all the deficiencies of the system, and others, but there is blatant lack of action on their part to just get on with it. It is beyond frustrating. It is really tough to remain positive with daily assaults about one thing or another. But plod on we must.
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Monday, October 25, 2010
origin of the babies and children at the ashram
People are curious about the babies and children at the ashram. Naturally, I am not able to discuss any particular child, but in general there is a common theme - they are nearly all girls. I have read that abortions of girls and infanticide of females is extremely high in this state of Punjab. It is believed that parents are ok with 1 girl, and can accept a 2d sometimes, but a 3d girl is difficult for them to handle. There is still an outdated notion of girls being a burden and so parents, or often it would be their families, are not too thrilled to have a girl. It appears to also relate to whether they already have a boy or not. It is odd, given that it is increasingly common for the Punjabi males to have a serious problem with alcohol or drugs, but that is the way it is.
Many of the babies who end up at the ashram come without any history or background. They are abandoned at various places and end up here. The wonderful part is that almost every child here is getting adopted into really affluent families where they will have lifestyles their parents could not even dream of.
I was lucky to have googled general articles on adoption and have found THE article of Sofi's story. She was found abandoned in a bush under a by-pass in the town of Hoshiarpur and her wailing was heard by a passerby who then took her to the hospital; she was transferred the next day to Nari Niketan and eventually she was offered to me. Sofi was suffering from quite a few injuries to the head and her left eye and had to have a transfusion of blood in the hospital when they found her. She was very weak and severely malnourished, and was continuously ill even for the 1st 3 months that I was with her, until the medical treatment and love, food, and supplements started to kick in. She was barely 5 kgs at 11 months and is a healthy 10 kgs at 17 months! There is no way to know who her biological parents were or why they had to give her up.
There are also quite a few cases where the parents are too poor to afford the required medical treatment and seem to give them up for that reason. The ashram takes care of the children and pays for their medical treatment, and most of them then are adopted into good families.
It is also a common story that the parents split up or one or both of the parents are deceased and so there is no one to look after the children.
The ashram is doing something really wonderful in finding good homes for the children with special needs and the older children who would normally not have a chance to be adopted.
The numer of children coming into the official adoption system is dropping dramatically each year in India, despite the huge number of homeless and poor abandoned children, so I am extremely fortunate to have found Sofi.
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Many of the babies who end up at the ashram come without any history or background. They are abandoned at various places and end up here. The wonderful part is that almost every child here is getting adopted into really affluent families where they will have lifestyles their parents could not even dream of.
I was lucky to have googled general articles on adoption and have found THE article of Sofi's story. She was found abandoned in a bush under a by-pass in the town of Hoshiarpur and her wailing was heard by a passerby who then took her to the hospital; she was transferred the next day to Nari Niketan and eventually she was offered to me. Sofi was suffering from quite a few injuries to the head and her left eye and had to have a transfusion of blood in the hospital when they found her. She was very weak and severely malnourished, and was continuously ill even for the 1st 3 months that I was with her, until the medical treatment and love, food, and supplements started to kick in. She was barely 5 kgs at 11 months and is a healthy 10 kgs at 17 months! There is no way to know who her biological parents were or why they had to give her up.
There are also quite a few cases where the parents are too poor to afford the required medical treatment and seem to give them up for that reason. The ashram takes care of the children and pays for their medical treatment, and most of them then are adopted into good families.
It is also a common story that the parents split up or one or both of the parents are deceased and so there is no one to look after the children.
The ashram is doing something really wonderful in finding good homes for the children with special needs and the older children who would normally not have a chance to be adopted.
The numer of children coming into the official adoption system is dropping dramatically each year in India, despite the huge number of homeless and poor abandoned children, so I am extremely fortunate to have found Sofi.
#
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Hallelulah!!! NOC has been issued.
I almost cannot believe it is done, as it's been such a delayed process, but the Indian government's agency CARA (Central Adoption Resouce Authority), in New Delhi, has yesterday issued the crucial No Objection Certificate.
I had personally submitted the papers on Sept 15th, expected clearance around the 28th, had some delays and when I went in yesterday to check on things, it turns out they had lost the Article 5 letter that the US Embassy had sent back in August. Some quick running around, bluffing my way into the Embassy without an appointment, begging them to immediately get me another copy, and they happily obliged, running back to CARA and astonishing them that within about an hour I was back with the missing Article 5. Apparently this eagerness impressed them as they were touched to have someone soo enthusiastic to be a parent and they found my attitude to be really positive and made them feel good to issue NOC. I told them I was praying to take custody of Sofi before Diwali so we could start the next year together and this touched them. Although they told me it wouldn't be ready until Thursday, unbeknownst to me, they immediately issued the NOC and couriered it back to the orphanage in Jalandhar. Sadly they would not let me carry it, saying they had to send it directly to the orphanage, but it is hoped to arrive in 4-5 days.
Now I am allowed to finally take physical custody of Sofi. A huge step forward. It will be a relief to have her with me instead of having to go to visit her at the orphanage. No doubt it will mark a big milestone in our relationship as we will now have private time to bond and we will able to do normal things, like go to the park, play with toys, watch baby einstein, have mummy-made food, etc. It is really exciting to be one step forward.
Next step to taking custody, is that I just have to finalize the affidavit required for custody; so a little more running around in the outdoor law chambers in Jalandhar. Am rushing back on the train tonight so we can work on getting the case filed ASAP. The ashram has not yet appointed a lawyer, so it will be another round of pressing and pushing things to be done now, instead of whenever someone can be bothered. And hopefully before the inevitable shutdown over Diwali! And appointing my own lawyer to ensure things proceed as best as possible. Since the Jalandhar courts have been going super slow with adoptions lately, it will no doubt be delays in getting hearing dates, adjournments, and more tests in patience and tolerance. At least Sofi will be with me though.
After the adoption case, then it's time to get her a birth certificate, an Indian passport, a visa for the US, trying to figure out if/how she will be able to get permission to enter the UK, and hopefully on a plane outta here to London and eventually the US of A.
Today is a good day! I am grateful to be one huge step closer to being declared Sofi's legal mother.
I had personally submitted the papers on Sept 15th, expected clearance around the 28th, had some delays and when I went in yesterday to check on things, it turns out they had lost the Article 5 letter that the US Embassy had sent back in August. Some quick running around, bluffing my way into the Embassy without an appointment, begging them to immediately get me another copy, and they happily obliged, running back to CARA and astonishing them that within about an hour I was back with the missing Article 5. Apparently this eagerness impressed them as they were touched to have someone soo enthusiastic to be a parent and they found my attitude to be really positive and made them feel good to issue NOC. I told them I was praying to take custody of Sofi before Diwali so we could start the next year together and this touched them. Although they told me it wouldn't be ready until Thursday, unbeknownst to me, they immediately issued the NOC and couriered it back to the orphanage in Jalandhar. Sadly they would not let me carry it, saying they had to send it directly to the orphanage, but it is hoped to arrive in 4-5 days.
Now I am allowed to finally take physical custody of Sofi. A huge step forward. It will be a relief to have her with me instead of having to go to visit her at the orphanage. No doubt it will mark a big milestone in our relationship as we will now have private time to bond and we will able to do normal things, like go to the park, play with toys, watch baby einstein, have mummy-made food, etc. It is really exciting to be one step forward.
Next step to taking custody, is that I just have to finalize the affidavit required for custody; so a little more running around in the outdoor law chambers in Jalandhar. Am rushing back on the train tonight so we can work on getting the case filed ASAP. The ashram has not yet appointed a lawyer, so it will be another round of pressing and pushing things to be done now, instead of whenever someone can be bothered. And hopefully before the inevitable shutdown over Diwali! And appointing my own lawyer to ensure things proceed as best as possible. Since the Jalandhar courts have been going super slow with adoptions lately, it will no doubt be delays in getting hearing dates, adjournments, and more tests in patience and tolerance. At least Sofi will be with me though.
After the adoption case, then it's time to get her a birth certificate, an Indian passport, a visa for the US, trying to figure out if/how she will be able to get permission to enter the UK, and hopefully on a plane outta here to London and eventually the US of A.
Today is a good day! I am grateful to be one huge step closer to being declared Sofi's legal mother.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Government paperwork is finally pending at CARA...
All summer long, as I melted in the unusually high temperatures with rare moments in the AC, I was praying and asking the ashram to send my file to the official Indian government agency, CARA (Central Adoption Resource Authority). It is CARA's NOC (no objection clearance) that is crucial in progressing things. After NOC is when I will finally be able to take custody of Sofi - as long as we stay within India - while the adoption case gets started and ends.
I had been asking that the ashram send the papers to CARA since early July. July passed with no movement. August passed with a constant stream of promises and excuses. September continued with more of the same. It is hard to see why things just languish and instead of things getting done, they just don't get done. Everyone who hears how long and horrible things are for me here just assumes this must be a case of someone looking for a bribe! No one has asked directly. The senior people are honest and sincere, but ineffective, instead leaving everything to the managers. The managers are rude and insensitive both to the children in general, but also to the fact that their lack of competency is ruining their lives. It appears to be difficult for them to look beyond their own petty egos and their apparent inappropriate greed and focus on the fact that they are responsible for placing children in homes quickly. Slowly and painfully appear to be their motto. Many cases are just dragging on for ages. They apparently have no time to do the simple paperwork, but plenty of time to bother me about where I can sit, stand, or who I can or cannot talk to, where the driver cannot sit, and all other petty little matters constituting severe harassment - making this a pretty miserable experience overall. Thank goodness Sofi is there and the kids are just a ray of sunshine in all of this. It is playing with them everyday that makes it all worthwile. I have really become attached and fond of each one of them. And it is touching that all were so happy to see me today after me having been absent for 5 days - the longest by far I have ever not come to the ashram since May 1.
Finally, a call from the President and an on-site visit from the Treasurer on September 13 led to action on my case - an order that the managers do whatever was missing on my CARA application without any further delays. The petty managers were finally chastised! Suddenly, within about 24 hours, the papers were finished!!! WHat had not been done in almost 3 months was completed in about a day. I could not believe my luck. Fearful of further delays and inaction, I took the papers myself to CARA and they were finally delivered on September 15 to the people in charge. Relief.
I asked CARA when it was likely I could get clearance, I was told to check back in 2 weeks. I made a special trip to Delhi to do just that only to be told they are all out of the office on a conference. There was similarly no action the week before due to a different conference. And once I finally got in to see them this Monday, I was told the person in charge is on leave!
Sadly, my Indian experience has been that it is amazing anything ever gets done. One has to be extremely patient and persistent. And one has to learn to keep a smile on your face even though a child's whole life is at stake and no one seems to make it a priority to move things forward. Overall the ashram is giving these kids a life they could never have dreamed of and they are really really lucky to be here. But more needs to be done.
I had been asking that the ashram send the papers to CARA since early July. July passed with no movement. August passed with a constant stream of promises and excuses. September continued with more of the same. It is hard to see why things just languish and instead of things getting done, they just don't get done. Everyone who hears how long and horrible things are for me here just assumes this must be a case of someone looking for a bribe! No one has asked directly. The senior people are honest and sincere, but ineffective, instead leaving everything to the managers. The managers are rude and insensitive both to the children in general, but also to the fact that their lack of competency is ruining their lives. It appears to be difficult for them to look beyond their own petty egos and their apparent inappropriate greed and focus on the fact that they are responsible for placing children in homes quickly. Slowly and painfully appear to be their motto. Many cases are just dragging on for ages. They apparently have no time to do the simple paperwork, but plenty of time to bother me about where I can sit, stand, or who I can or cannot talk to, where the driver cannot sit, and all other petty little matters constituting severe harassment - making this a pretty miserable experience overall. Thank goodness Sofi is there and the kids are just a ray of sunshine in all of this. It is playing with them everyday that makes it all worthwile. I have really become attached and fond of each one of them. And it is touching that all were so happy to see me today after me having been absent for 5 days - the longest by far I have ever not come to the ashram since May 1.
Finally, a call from the President and an on-site visit from the Treasurer on September 13 led to action on my case - an order that the managers do whatever was missing on my CARA application without any further delays. The petty managers were finally chastised! Suddenly, within about 24 hours, the papers were finished!!! WHat had not been done in almost 3 months was completed in about a day. I could not believe my luck. Fearful of further delays and inaction, I took the papers myself to CARA and they were finally delivered on September 15 to the people in charge. Relief.
I asked CARA when it was likely I could get clearance, I was told to check back in 2 weeks. I made a special trip to Delhi to do just that only to be told they are all out of the office on a conference. There was similarly no action the week before due to a different conference. And once I finally got in to see them this Monday, I was told the person in charge is on leave!
Sadly, my Indian experience has been that it is amazing anything ever gets done. One has to be extremely patient and persistent. And one has to learn to keep a smile on your face even though a child's whole life is at stake and no one seems to make it a priority to move things forward. Overall the ashram is giving these kids a life they could never have dreamed of and they are really really lucky to be here. But more needs to be done.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Train journeys and recollections
One of the nicest things in my experience of travelling around India, is going on the train. I remember a last minute 1998 trip from Amritsar (where I had gone to see the Sikh's holiest Golden Temple) to Delhi, where I just assumed I could hop on the first class carriage after standing in the "Ladies Only" line. It was around 5 a.m. that crisp Spring morning when I made my way to the train station, after having spent the night in the Temple's open air veranda known as the Ladies Quarters, and having had a marriage proposal by a self-appointed tour guide who had led me around the Temple grounds (having clued into my NRI and foreign citizen status). My new Lonely Planet guidebook had neglected to mention that single women were not allowed to rent a room! But it was a nice experience even if I did not get much sleep for fear I would oversleep the next morning – they did not do wake-up calls on the veranda.
I was surprised to find that they were one carriage short in first class, so I had to take the 3d class carriage as 2d class was sold out too. Even though the train was several hours delayed along the way, it was my first solo real Indian experience. Had I travelled in my protected AC first class carriage as planned, I would have missed out on the up-close and personal aspects of the trip with my fellow Punjabis. Garish coloured Indian suits and packed lunches and tiffins surrounded me as I sat with my stomach growling, clearly looking like someone who would normally travel in 1st class and an obvious NRI despite my Indian clothes. But it was an experience that made me feel more like a real Indian because it really was just my clothes and luck of being born abroad to a comfortable family that separated me from them. Scrunched up close to one another, we all just jostled along, for the all day journey. It was only once I reached back to Delhi and heard all the worry in my Mum's demeanour that I realized it could have been a horrid ordeal, but it hadn't been at all.
Today, as I am travelling today on the Shatabdi from Jalandhar to Punjab, I am reminded of my favourite Amritsar trip as this train originated in Amritsar before coming to us. Even the regular AC class is wonderful. A little more cramped and a different crowd from the privileged Executive Class folk, but perfectly fine for anyone. As soon as you board, you are provided with your litre of "Rail Neer" labelled water and paper cup and Jumpin mango juice. And minutes after we leave the station the snack tray is given, full of your tea kit, toffees, fresh ghee sweet barrfi, hot vegetable samosa and salty namkeen packet. The first time I took this express train I did not expect any more food! Now I know not to devour it all, as this really just is the appetizer. Dinner is a tray full of goodies... rice, cholay, shahi paneer, dahi, salad, pickle and paratha. Quite a veritable feast. Followed by vanilla ice-cream. After that everyone is pretty much dozing off as it is 9:30 p.m. and we have probably all eaten too much to be awake for long.
My other favourite train journey was in 2003, when we went from Delhi to Hazur Sahib, a pilgrimage to fulfil my 86 year-old maternal grandmother's wish to visit there before she died. All the family members thought she was too old, but I thought, "why not?!" So Bibi, Mum, Aunty Kirpal and myself bought the train tickets and off we went. The 26 hour train ride expanded to about a 35 hour journey but still it was fun. So many interesting people on the train, all the basic comforts, and all the food-sellers coming thru all the time. One thing about being on a train in India is you never go hungry. It's non-stop food offerings all the journey: "coo-cumbar, coo-cumbar" (peeled, sliced lengthways, peppered and juicy), "noodles, Maggi noodles," "chai, chai, garam garam chai," "cutlet, cutlet," "tikki, aloo tikki," "omelette, omelette," "paratha, paratha" and many more mouth-watering, digestive-effecting selections. It's impossible to resist them all.
The Delhi-Chandigarh Shatabdi is equally comfortable but the journey is only about 3 hours. It's used by many as a commuter train since it's so convenient. It makes getting from the capitol Delhi to my mum's hometown of Chandigarh a breeze and an absolute pleasure. It's not a place visited so often by tourists eager to sample India's highlights, but for me it's always home as that's where we went with Mum growing up. I remember visiting when her Dad was ill, in around 1973, and I would have been about 5. My brother Mitch and I were probably a nuisance, he would have been about 7, so we were put into Guru Nanak Public School – Mum knew Principal Sarai luckily . He still runs a school in Chandigarh. I remember going to school on the bus, and using a razor to sharpen my pencils.I associate one of my favourite fruits, chickoo, with that trip so I imagine we ate lots of them. I also remember the teachers were very strict. Once, after Aunty Bholly's wedding, I was in trouble for having nail polish on as it was not allowed. I remember going to the Rock Garden and Rose Garden and a general sense of a beautiful city with lots of parks. It was later I realized it had been designed by the world-famous Le Corbusier. He designed this City with a master plan that is still being followed today with the different Phases of development and green belts being maintained. It is not like other Indian cities in layout or feel. If ever I was to live in India, it would probably be here in Chandigarh.#
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Jalandhar medical care
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Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Nari Niketan and its kids...
I know you all must be curious about the ashram and wondering who all lives there and what it is like. I have been visiting almost daily for 4 & 1/2 months now so I feel pretty comfortable there. There are in the region of 25-30 kids ranging from a few days to teenagers, a handful in their 20's, and some older ladies. There are 2 little boys otherwise it's all feminine estrogen environment. Nari Niketan is located in the city of Jalandhar in the state of Punjab, India. It was opened in 1955 and I understand it was started to help the dislocated widows and children of Partition. Being close to the border of Pakistan, I understand there used to be alot of residents and many people have been helped over the 55 years it has been open. The international adoption license was finally obtained in March 2009, so it is only recently that the children being adopted are going abroad. There have been many children adopted within India over the years. Nari Niketan is a good ashram where the children have 3 meals and 1 snack each day, they are well dressed, and the environment of the ashram is maintained to a good standard. I know all the kids and feel like they are all now an extended part of my family. 4-5 are going to France, some to the UK, maybe some to US and Canada, and some will stay in India. The success of the administration means that almost all the kids are in the process of being adopted. A few cannot be adopted for technical reasons. I have decided to formally sponsor one of these kids to ensure she has a decent chance at a good future.
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Thursday, September 2, 2010
A typical Sofi day
Sofi usually wakes up around 2 in the morning, thirsty and hungry. She will drink water and milk and then nod off back to sleep. It's around 7 in the morning that she is up for more milk, breakfast and playtime. She is pretty content to play in the baby's room, often just sitting in her crib singing or babbling away in her own language. By 9 or 10 she is usually ready for a morning nap lasting an hour or two. Then around noon it's lunchtime. Every day at the ashram they eat rice, daal and yoghurt, so that's what Sofi has. If I am there, I will usually take her down to the dining hall so she can play with the other children - who have come back from the school which is just next door. After lunch we play. We wander around the ashram, playing with the little children who don't go back to school after lunch. By 2 all the kids are done with school, so there are lots of people for Sofi to play with. Initially she was not so eager to play with all the kids, and she preferred the little kids. But over time, she has become attached pretty much to them all. She loves to be investigating all over and now that she is walking, she wanders off exploring everything. Her favourite phrase is to answer the question "Billi kee kahandi?" (What does a cat say?) and she answers "mow" and dog says "bow bow". It has become even more fun as there is a little cat who has recently had kittens and they come and wander around looking for food, and Sofi gets super excited whenever they come around. If she is being fussy, the option of going to see the cat almost always gets her into a good mood. Around 4, it is teatime and we head down to the dining room again to see what treats are there. Sometimes it is fruit, or biscuits, or cake, or ice cream. With tea which she loves. And anywhere in the afternoon she might fall asleep for a nap. Otherwise it's plat time. Around 5 it's time for milk and then more playing if not a nap. And dinner is at 8ish. Thankfully, Sofi and the children play alot so time passes. These days the kids are having tests and exams so they are supposed to be busy preparing. Sundays there is no school so we all play all day!
Some days some people might come to visit, to donate food, or other things, to see how the ashram works, or perhaps to attend a court hearing or prepare for their own child's adoption case. The week passes quickly and before you know it, days turn to weeks and now I have been here almost 6 months!
Some days some people might come to visit, to donate food, or other things, to see how the ashram works, or perhaps to attend a court hearing or prepare for their own child's adoption case. The week passes quickly and before you know it, days turn to weeks and now I have been here almost 6 months!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
So how does intercountry adoption actually work?
I have been getting lots of congratulations, but it seems premature as I feel as if I am only moving one step along in what often seems like an insurmountable process of obstacles and hindrances to becoming a mother. It's just alot easier to visualize with Sofi's sweet face to look at.
Biological parents do not need anyone's permission or a license to parent. For those of us choosing to be parents by adoption, it is not an accident or an unconscious event. It takes years to come to the realization that your wish to adopt has culminated in you finally being ready to take the first formal step. For me, this was about 20 years in the making as I knew I wanted to adopt a child from India even as a teenager and it has always been something in the back of my mind, I suppose I was waiting until I thought I was ready. I got ready. Then...
you find out all the local authorities in the UK are "not recruiting" for parents! Like this was a sales call?! Apparently there are hardly any Indian origin children available for adoption in the UK. And the UK is strongly against inter-racial adoption. It seems ythey don't want any Indian origin parents, so thanks but no thanks; this, despite lots of children waiting to be adopted and in foster care. Mostly your calls are not even returned. If they do consider, you are interrogated in a most invasive personal way only to be told there are no suitable kids in their system. There are hardly any private adoption agencies and they take a really long time to complete the gruelling process of approving you, or not, to become an adoptive parents. There are only about 300 international adoptions done into the UK each year.
The US couldn't be more different. Race is not irrelevant, but it's not a complete barrier. I thank God for dual-citizenship! There are in the region of 10,000 international adoptions into the US now, since it is dropping rapidly each year (was about 20,000 year not too long ago). I think it's dropped to only 297of those from India in 2009.
Amazingly, despite India having a population of over a billion, in there were just over 800 kids sent out of the country via adoption. 2-3 years ago it was over 1300. The rules are getting tighter and tighter and less and less Indian orphans will have a chance to be adopted. We NRIs are 2d choice and only are allowed to adopt if "real" Indians say no to these wonderful kids.
The process starts with a social worker and lots of paperwork, studying and classes on adoptive parenting, and you are rewarded with the crucial Home Study that is the official approval that you are fit to be a parent and you can proceed to adopt from overseas. I wanted a girl, one or two, so that's what I was approved for. Then you have the luck of going to USCIS (former INS or immigration) to ask for visa clearance. Actually this was surprisingly a really supportive and helpful agency as they have a special department of homeland security for adoption and they truly seem so eager to help. And then you have to sign on with an agency in the US who is licensed by India for intercountry adoption out of India. CARA is the Central Adoption Resource Agency and they license all the foreign agencies, as well as being the all important people who will give me the official Indian green light, the NOC (no objection clearance).
The most awesome part is when you then learn there is a child who might be suitable for you. And that is when Trishna and I became a team in this process. She is my motivation. I call her Sofi. Or probably it will be Sofi Trishna when she is naughty as I think most mothers resort to long full names for maternal dramatic effect. Officially the paperwork at this stage is that the ashram/orphanage presents us with a CSR (child study report) and medical for the PAP (prospective adoptive parents(s)) to approve. I said absolutely yes please! And now it is for the ashram to take that massive stack of my papers, and their own papers, and send them to CARA for NOC. That's my next stage. Waiting for NOC and praying every day it goes through.
When the all important NOC is in, that's when they/I file as petitioner to adopt Sofi. Sadly for us, Jalandar Punjab is notoriously one of the slowest court systems as they do not do many intercountry adoptions to each case, aprropriately is given strict scrutiny, but it isn't done very quickly. Despite Indian Supreme Court precedent that all adoption cases are supposed to be given high priority, many jurisdictions do not adhere to this timeline. Punjab is one of those not observing the requirement. But we live in hope. And we can but pray. Or overprepare the case just to help.
All of your prayers are needed as this is really the hardest thing I ever did.
Thanks for reading, if you got this far!
I hope one day to produce or back a documentary to highlight the plight of India's neglected children who are not being made available for adoption. Many of them are actually domestic servants or child beggars or have at least one family member, so they might not technically be eligible or open to being adopted. Sometimes, there are ways these kids can be sponsored so they can go to school instead of working.
Biological parents do not need anyone's permission or a license to parent. For those of us choosing to be parents by adoption, it is not an accident or an unconscious event. It takes years to come to the realization that your wish to adopt has culminated in you finally being ready to take the first formal step. For me, this was about 20 years in the making as I knew I wanted to adopt a child from India even as a teenager and it has always been something in the back of my mind, I suppose I was waiting until I thought I was ready. I got ready. Then...
you find out all the local authorities in the UK are "not recruiting" for parents! Like this was a sales call?! Apparently there are hardly any Indian origin children available for adoption in the UK. And the UK is strongly against inter-racial adoption. It seems ythey don't want any Indian origin parents, so thanks but no thanks; this, despite lots of children waiting to be adopted and in foster care. Mostly your calls are not even returned. If they do consider, you are interrogated in a most invasive personal way only to be told there are no suitable kids in their system. There are hardly any private adoption agencies and they take a really long time to complete the gruelling process of approving you, or not, to become an adoptive parents. There are only about 300 international adoptions done into the UK each year.
The US couldn't be more different. Race is not irrelevant, but it's not a complete barrier. I thank God for dual-citizenship! There are in the region of 10,000 international adoptions into the US now, since it is dropping rapidly each year (was about 20,000 year not too long ago). I think it's dropped to only 297of those from India in 2009.
Amazingly, despite India having a population of over a billion, in there were just over 800 kids sent out of the country via adoption. 2-3 years ago it was over 1300. The rules are getting tighter and tighter and less and less Indian orphans will have a chance to be adopted. We NRIs are 2d choice and only are allowed to adopt if "real" Indians say no to these wonderful kids.
The process starts with a social worker and lots of paperwork, studying and classes on adoptive parenting, and you are rewarded with the crucial Home Study that is the official approval that you are fit to be a parent and you can proceed to adopt from overseas. I wanted a girl, one or two, so that's what I was approved for. Then you have the luck of going to USCIS (former INS or immigration) to ask for visa clearance. Actually this was surprisingly a really supportive and helpful agency as they have a special department of homeland security for adoption and they truly seem so eager to help. And then you have to sign on with an agency in the US who is licensed by India for intercountry adoption out of India. CARA is the Central Adoption Resource Agency and they license all the foreign agencies, as well as being the all important people who will give me the official Indian green light, the NOC (no objection clearance).
The most awesome part is when you then learn there is a child who might be suitable for you. And that is when Trishna and I became a team in this process. She is my motivation. I call her Sofi. Or probably it will be Sofi Trishna when she is naughty as I think most mothers resort to long full names for maternal dramatic effect. Officially the paperwork at this stage is that the ashram/orphanage presents us with a CSR (child study report) and medical for the PAP (prospective adoptive parents(s)) to approve. I said absolutely yes please! And now it is for the ashram to take that massive stack of my papers, and their own papers, and send them to CARA for NOC. That's my next stage. Waiting for NOC and praying every day it goes through.
When the all important NOC is in, that's when they/I file as petitioner to adopt Sofi. Sadly for us, Jalandar Punjab is notoriously one of the slowest court systems as they do not do many intercountry adoptions to each case, aprropriately is given strict scrutiny, but it isn't done very quickly. Despite Indian Supreme Court precedent that all adoption cases are supposed to be given high priority, many jurisdictions do not adhere to this timeline. Punjab is one of those not observing the requirement. But we live in hope. And we can but pray. Or overprepare the case just to help.
All of your prayers are needed as this is really the hardest thing I ever did.
Thanks for reading, if you got this far!
I hope one day to produce or back a documentary to highlight the plight of India's neglected children who are not being made available for adoption. Many of them are actually domestic servants or child beggars or have at least one family member, so they might not technically be eligible or open to being adopted. Sometimes, there are ways these kids can be sponsored so they can go to school instead of working.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
As days fly by....
I can't account for the past 4 months except to say they have been a blur. Sofi is growing healthy and strong and is walking now. She wanders off confidently all over the ashram as far as she can, investigating everything. Paperwork drags on without much progress it seems. Sofi is now like a mascot passed from kid to kid around the ashram as she becomes capable of more and more sounds and entertainment for the others. Sunrises, sunsets, sunrises and I can't keep track of where all the time goes every day.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Sofi's 1st birthday parties
Sofi turned 1 on June 1, 2010. In the afternoon we had samosa, paneer pakoras and cake to celebrate. Sofi loves spicy food and enjoyed all 3. With 6 teeth, it's mainly soft food. and in the evening party, we all got dressed up, danced and partied and had alot of fun. Sofi was a good sport and took a nap conveniently between the 2 parties so she was able to enjoy them both.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Introducing Sofi Trishna Kaur... daughter of my heart
I meant to write all about the process of coming here to India in March and registering with orpahanges in Delhi and Chandigarh in detail... but before I could get down to it, the long-awaited day I have been dreaming of has already arrived! With God's grace, I have now met and am now bonding with my soon to be daughter who was given the name Trishna in the orphanage by the staff. I met her briefly on the morning of Saturday April 24th and hoped I would be able to adopt her. That morning I had been to pray at the Golden Temple (holiest of Sikh gurdwaras) in Amritsar to ask for a speedy resolution to my adoption of a little girl. Literally a few hours later I met Trsihna. Trishna means a state of contentment of the mind when you obtain real peace.
I am naming her Sofi (sophia or sophos in Greek is wise or wisdom).
Sofi is a beautiful, active, cheerful and funny little girl. She loves hugs and cuddles. She espectially laughs alot when we tickle her tummy or her neck. But she smiles alot anyway. She is starting to make alot of sounds and babbles and sings quite a bit when she is feeling chatty. She likes to grab my chain and use me as a climbing wall because she is just starting to stand with support and can't stand on her own. She is pretty content. She can scream and cry when she needs to get our attention. She already has won over everyone's heart who she meets. She is believed to have been everyone's favourite at the ashram where she was living. All the staff and the other kids love her alot. The staff keep saying how good her kismet must be because she will be going overseas after such a diffcult start in life.
We believe her birth date is June 1 2009. She appears to be meeting all her developmental milestones and seems healthy and fine. She was found by the police and brought to the ashram having been abandoned. We can only guess that her family must be experiencing some tremendous difficulty to give up such a wonderful little girl and we wish them better days to come. She has 6 teeth. They are strong and very sharp.
On my first day visiting with her, May 1 2010, at the Nari Niketan ashram here in Jalandhar, Punjab, I fed her lunch of rice and yoghurt which she enjoyed. She doesn't seem to be able to drink from a milk bottle and likes to drink from a bowl, glass or cup. It's pretty hot these days so she needs to drink a lot of water too. Sippie cup is still a little messy so far. She has bonded with me immediately from the first day and we all believe there is a past life connection between us. I cannot imagine having been given any other little girl to be my daughter.
Once I took her to my uncle's house, I gave her milk which she loves as much as any other baby. She was too excited to take her after lunch nap at the orphanage, so I put her down for a nice nap around 5 and she slept a good 2 hours. For dinner, I had kichari (boiled rice and mung daal) prepared for her with yoghurt that she also ate happily. She is a good eater and doesn't spill too much on her new little bibs. She is enjoying all the one on one attention and love and affection as one can imagine. We took her out for a nice liitle evening walk to the nearby shops and she got all kinds of diapers, and lotions and potions, as well as some ready to eat food from jars. After shopping she enjoyed some custard with banana. After a big day, she went to sleep at 10:30 p.m. I can't say I slept much watching over my little munchkin all nite to make sure she is fine. She seems perfectly happy and content. Trishna by name and Trishna by nature.
The process of starting the legal adoption is likely to take quite some time yet as the State of Punjab courts are notoriously slower than everywhere else. We just pray the outcome is as we want.
I am naming her Sofi (sophia or sophos in Greek is wise or wisdom).
Sofi is a beautiful, active, cheerful and funny little girl. She loves hugs and cuddles. She espectially laughs alot when we tickle her tummy or her neck. But she smiles alot anyway. She is starting to make alot of sounds and babbles and sings quite a bit when she is feeling chatty. She likes to grab my chain and use me as a climbing wall because she is just starting to stand with support and can't stand on her own. She is pretty content. She can scream and cry when she needs to get our attention. She already has won over everyone's heart who she meets. She is believed to have been everyone's favourite at the ashram where she was living. All the staff and the other kids love her alot. The staff keep saying how good her kismet must be because she will be going overseas after such a diffcult start in life.
We believe her birth date is June 1 2009. She appears to be meeting all her developmental milestones and seems healthy and fine. She was found by the police and brought to the ashram having been abandoned. We can only guess that her family must be experiencing some tremendous difficulty to give up such a wonderful little girl and we wish them better days to come. She has 6 teeth. They are strong and very sharp.
On my first day visiting with her, May 1 2010, at the Nari Niketan ashram here in Jalandhar, Punjab, I fed her lunch of rice and yoghurt which she enjoyed. She doesn't seem to be able to drink from a milk bottle and likes to drink from a bowl, glass or cup. It's pretty hot these days so she needs to drink a lot of water too. Sippie cup is still a little messy so far. She has bonded with me immediately from the first day and we all believe there is a past life connection between us. I cannot imagine having been given any other little girl to be my daughter.
Once I took her to my uncle's house, I gave her milk which she loves as much as any other baby. She was too excited to take her after lunch nap at the orphanage, so I put her down for a nice nap around 5 and she slept a good 2 hours. For dinner, I had kichari (boiled rice and mung daal) prepared for her with yoghurt that she also ate happily. She is a good eater and doesn't spill too much on her new little bibs. She is enjoying all the one on one attention and love and affection as one can imagine. We took her out for a nice liitle evening walk to the nearby shops and she got all kinds of diapers, and lotions and potions, as well as some ready to eat food from jars. After shopping she enjoyed some custard with banana. After a big day, she went to sleep at 10:30 p.m. I can't say I slept much watching over my little munchkin all nite to make sure she is fine. She seems perfectly happy and content. Trishna by name and Trishna by nature.
The process of starting the legal adoption is likely to take quite some time yet as the State of Punjab courts are notoriously slower than everywhere else. We just pray the outcome is as we want.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Dossier is complete
After working on paperwork, more paperwork, and yet more paperwork... I am done with my Home Study and have submitted my completed dossier to MAPS Worldwide - my placement agency - who will then send off my dossier to CARA in India and I will await a referral of a child. The expected wait time for a referral is 12-18 months, so it is quite possible that I will not be referred a child until January 2011 or maybe even Summer 2011. Optimistically, it could be in 2010 which would be fantastic.
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