FREE AT LAST!!! Thank God Almighty we are free at last!!!

Amazingly, we are done!!! No amount of exclamation marks can truly demonstrate the relief and happiness at the process being done. For now. Post adoption checks will take 6 months once we get back home. Not a big deal really.

After a lot more grovelling and running around every day to the passport office, we finally got Sofi's passport. It took 10 days. Issued April 18, 2011. Creepy crawly Krishin Kumar caved in after alot of pleading, sucking up, name dropping, actually showing up daily, until I think he realized that I don't take no for an answer. I have climbed up and down the passport office stairs many many many times, being sent to one person or another.  I think the Regional Passport Officer got sick of seeing me too.  And the fact they could not fault our paperwork.  Yet, we are the lucky ones.  Many people fared much worse than us. Even the day the passport was issued, I showed up at the designated time of 4:30. Hovering around the counter, asking again and again if they could check my receipt number, only to be told it had not come down yet.  At right around 6:30, someone came to collect the remainin stragglers who were waiting, we followed him upstairs after he took from us the only receipt/proof we had that we had even filed an application... And upstairs, we were told there was only 1 more passport for that day. A miracle - it was Sofi's!  I practically kissed the bearer of fantastic news. I felt really bad for the others pleading their cases, only to be fobbed off.

Thinking ahead, we already had an appointment at the US Embassy for Wednesday April 20th. I turned up with all my papers, and little Miss Sofi, who by now is quite the little Miss!  We went to American Citizen Services and, luckily, as usual, we got the red carpet treatment. It never ceases to amaze me how nice everyone is when they know we are there for an adoption case. It's all, don't wait in line, just go to the front, type of thing. They are soooo nice. Unlike everyone and every system in India and the UK who are simply horrid and obstreperous. We were asked when it suited us for our visa interview.  Since we still had a housefull of lovely guests who were pampering and spoiling Sofi, I felt it best we wait until they had all gone. So we were given out preference of Monday, April 25th at 9 a.m. But with the caveat that they told us if that was not convenient, just come at 10 or whenever the baby was happy to come, go straight to window 25, and do not wait in line. What lovely people! So considerate and caring. A relief from the rest of the experiences we have had. We showed up Monday morning, whisked to the front of the line, and presented our papers. All agreed to be in order. Gave an oath the papers are accurate. Told to come back in the afternoon at 2:30. Did that. Miracle of miracle, le viola! all done! Sofi's Indian passport is duly given the US visa.  We are free to go.

We are not going yet though. Sofi is in playschool and enjoys it.  She has the full and undivided attention of me and her ayah Pratima. So we are ok until school is out May 13. Then we will head off. It is getting super hot. But Sofi has made friends. I am making friends, at long last, and things are ok. We will do some medical checkups on ourselves and start planning our move back to the US after me being gone so long.

We also met the President of Sofi's orphanage yesterday, Tuesday April 26th. He spent alot of time with us. Charmed by Sofi as everyone is! He was kind enough to comment that his father (former Prime Minister of India I K Gujral who is sadly not in the best of health) always made a point to visit my paternal grandfather, known to us all as Bupuji, because he had a very high regard for Bupuji.

I also duly registered my wish to adopt a 2d daughter from Jalandhar and was received very well! So, after all the papers are in order, we should be back in 2012 for #2! My lovely 2d daughter is out there somewhere already but not ready to come to me. All in good time.

Sofi is parrotting more and more words. She is increasingly cheeky and cute and the biggest love of my life. I thank God and my lucky stars she came to me. I am very lucky.

Passport time and hopefully visa soon

Apparently, for a long time in India, it was not considered a right to
have a passport. Now there are more than 1.2 billion people who are
eligible. Not surprisingly, the passport offices simply cannot deal
with the volume of applications. Plus, given terrorism and many other
concerns, there is a fear of wrongly issuing passports. The process is
quite complex. I was told the average passport is between 1 and 2
months to issue. Emergency/Tatkaal passports supposedly in a week or
less.

Getting all the paperwork in place to be able to submit a tatkaal
application is no mean feat. We had to fill out many affidavits, have
them notarized. We had to submit obvious proofs of adoption and
residency. But probably the most bizarre was that we had to have a
senior government officer vouch for her moral character and
reputation. I can see that being required of an adult, but of a 1 year
old?! Well, we finally managed to get it done after a lot of pleading
phone calls to many friends.

A few more sick days and a trip to Chandigarh delayed the process
quite a bit too. So although we got the birth certificate on February
21st, it was not until April 7th that I actually successfully
submitted the tatkaal passport application. Going into the passport
office is quite hard. You have to wait in a long line first at the
back of the building, to get a token, that is your number in the line
for the day. We had someone there by around 6:30 or 7, so when I got
there at 9, luckily I was #4. Then, you take that token and stand in
another line at the front of the building to gain entry. Then it is a
mad rush to go to the tatkaal counter and you have all the ususal
suspects with #200 or some other high number fighting you off and
trying to push to the front of the line as the bureaucrats drink tea
behind closed doors. When the civil servants meander to their
counters, they do not look friendly or helpful. Each of the first 3
tatkaal people were sent away and their applications rejected for one
reason or other. I got nervous.

When we go to the tatkaal coutner, the lady rejected the application
totally saying that adoption cases cannot come on tatkaal. Oddly,
although not written anywhere in the detailed instructions on how to
apply for a passport, this same refrraind was given at the next
counter, the tatkaal superintendant. Instead of just accepting this,
we debated. I asked for the basis of this and some Ministry of
External Affairs memo from 2008 was flashed briefly for me to see.
Getting more concerned at this point. Not taking no for an answer.
Send upstairs to Room 5. Excited. Until I reached the long line of hot
and bothered people and the rude guards protecting the high level
officials behind the curtain. Eventually get to see the Assistant
Regional Passport Officer. Told the same thing. Starting to feel like
a charater in Little Britain, "Policy says NO!" Not taking no. Sent
to the PRO upstairs. Wait around. His assistant checks my papers and
agrees everything is there. Finally PRO arrives, He seems to be
satisfied. Sends me back to Room 5. Short but high ranking man says,
no, PRO has not written his approval to accept the application on
tatkaal basis. Go back to PRO. He says he can't write it and tells me
to go back to Room 5. At this point, feeling like a ball in a tennis
match, I ask if we can move forward instead of back and forth. He
concedes and sends me to the Wizard - the Regional Passport Officer
himseld. Push thru the guards with great difficulty, wait around and
meet him. Nice person, but he too says policy says no.

Explain the process and the reality of what this is - a child trying
to start her life properly. Luckily I noticed his family portrait on
his desk, and relating my problem to him in real terms achieved a
warmer response. "Wait outside, I will see what we can do." Waiting.
And waiting. Various people in and out of his office. Eventually, I am
told, go back to the tatkaal superintendent, we will accept the
application, and see what we can do.

Skipping down the stairs I go back to irritable Gansham and explain my
note saying that my application must be accepted. I have never been
happy to pay fees (Rs2100) as it was the gateway to the receipt - the
all important document to start your process. With a receipt, their
legal obligations to process begins to roll.

Monday the 11th I come back and am told by chirpy Mr Gansham that it
is scheduled to be complete that very same day and should be sent out
soon. I am in joyous disbelief. But I have heard such promises many
times this past year or two. I am cautiously optimistic.

TOday, Wednesday 13th, I come to check, is it really done? Turns out
as yesterday and tomorrow are a holiday, and Wednesday is the day of
the week the higher-ups don't meet the public, this was not a good day
to show up. Rejected several times at the gate and not allowed in.
Finally sent to the back of the building to the enquiry line.
Helpfully told by someone in line you can SMS your inquiry and find
out the status. They SMS back almost immediately, that subject to all
documents being ok, it would be complete on 11th. Had I succeeded? An
hour in line in the scorching morning sun, to be told at the counter,
there is an objection. Come back Friday and talk to a PRO.

Dejected. What now? By this point Sofi has been picked up from
playschool and is sitting asleep in the hot car out front. I mull it
over. Let's not give up. I find our helpful tout friend. He is nice,
but busy with something.

The friendly police officer who had sent me to inquiry was hanging
around. One last plea. I explain to him this is an adoption case and
how long I have been here, point at the sleeping baby and he agrees he
will help me enter the building to find out from Gansham what the
issue it. THen his supervisor yells at him for standing idle and sends
him off in the opposite direction. Wait. He eventually returns and I
pounce. He takes me to the gates, amidst shouting and shoving irate
public not being allowed it, and gets me in. It's like magic. He
smiles as I pass. Just like that. I am in. Persistence and politeness
and appealing to people's humanity got me in.

Once in, Gansham explains that I need to speak to the PRO and sends me
to someone new. I go there. He listens. I am to wait. Eventually
someone else calls my case. I go over the papers and he is nice. He
explains I have 1 more proof of address needed. I can get that within
an hour or so from the bank. And most wonderfully, he takes me with
him to see the Regional Passport Officer and he agrees that my case is
accepted on tatkaal and it should be completed at once.

Off to the bank. Back. Wait. And wait. Mr helpful is at the Minstry.
But once back, he says, that's good enough. Come on Friday the 15th
between 4:30 and 6 and pick up your passport. The next 48 hours will
be tense but I am hopeful.

After this, the last step is to go to the US Embassy and get the visa.
We will be off.

Of course, the British High Commission, consistent with their totally
anti-adoption stance throughout, says they will not recognize the
adoption. Sofi cannot get a passport. Is not recognized as my child!
And can't even get a visa - unless we lie! With shit weather, an
outrageous cost of living, and extortionate tax rules, is it any
wonder soo many people leave the country if they can?!

Fish out of water

Throughout this process, living in India, I have felt like a fish out of water. Sitting with non-Indian expats today, it reminds me of just how much of a culture shock it is to come and live in India. There are soo many wonderful things here. But the shock to the system is massive and often debilitating. Although of Indian origin, I am totally foreign to all people here and I feel very frustrated very often. I am Indian in some ways, but I suppose that being an NRI, being born and raised throughout in the west, has shaped me and made me who I am today. So I am more familiar and comfortable with the western systems and culture. I miss being in a country where I speak the language properly, I miss having friends calling just to say "hi", I miss being in a place where I can get around without feeling lost. I have so much admiration now for people that just up and move to India without even being Indian; they are really brave and adventurous. I am really really ready to go home. It's coming close and funnily enough, the closer I get to going, the more I am climbing the walls to go. I want Sofi to be surrounded by people who know me from before and she can feel that love and warmth. It is hard work having only new friends around.

As we are getting on with Sofi's Indian passport, we are now being told by the British High Commission that she might be prohibited from entering the UK. Apparently, as I used my US citizenship to adopt Sofi, the British government will condescend to acknowledge Sofi as my legal daughter, probably for taxes and anything negative, but they will not confer British citizenship on her automatically. I will have to research this, but it is my understanding that an adopted child must be regognized just like a biological child. Rude awkening to find out the British government has an exception for adopted children to deprive them of what is their legal right in all civilized countries. Yet another obstacle to overcome. The US government and process has just been so wonderful about adoption and embraces it at every turn, that it is a disappointing shock to see that once again the British rules are anti-adoption. They are already one of the most difficult countries for adoption, whether domestic or international, and this is yet another way they are against people trying to build their families by adoption.

the process goes on... and on... but we are moving forward!

So after we officially became mother and daughter, one thinks that's the end of the process, right? Think again! We still do not have the requisite permission to travel out of the country. Step 1, birth certificate. The ashram say it will take at least a month. I think I can't wait that long. I am ready to leave! So, we take it into our own hands. We stopped into the the ashram on the 16th, 2 days after the Adoption Deed was issued. Not surprisingly, although they were supposed to have started working on the BC already. We go into the office, to be told, oh, there is some new procedure. When asked, what is it, we are told, it's hard to say. When we ask, how are you going to overcome it, they respond, let's see. I have heard them lamely say "let's see" over and over and over and over in the past 9 months, and that usually means, we don't plan to do anything, let it fall from the sky like a miracle, because we don't give a shit about the speed of your process, this is just a job for us and we are not bothered about you and your child wanting to get on with living life, because we are happily rolling along in our own lives. I have always been suspicious that the lack of bribe was a factor, but who knows. The apathy I see is pretty common with them in all cases. But then I have not known of anyone who has bribed them. It appears basically that they are so full of themselves thinking that because they are dealing with all orphans, they have this attitude that they are doing God's work. They forget that they are generally pretty apathetic and not bothered and therefore hindering the process from moving. Case after case, I see they go slow. Because they have soo many cases in process, and they are quite laid back, things don't move very quickly.

So, we (me and the driver Sukha) started to ask what is the problem with Sofi's BC. What is the process. 1st it's apparently the SDM (sub divisional magistrate). THen the Civil Hospital where all births are recorded. THen the Municipal Corporation where the actualy BC is written. I can see how one might take a month with so many different departments involved in a little BC. We ask the ashram if we can take over. The person in charge, the new retired Colonel, had simply said, oh well, I went in this morning, so I don't plan to go in again today, despite our asking desperately for his help to get this BC started ASAP rahter than waiting around.  He continued talking as if we never spoke, saying the next few days are a holiday, so nothing will start now until Monday - 5 days ahead! His BS and self-serving self-praising monologues are quite tedious. He is soo self righteous. I have seen the reality of his accomplishments in our case fall far short of his own delusions about himself. Basically, he is a pompous ass! But we smile as if he is wonderful. As long as you sit and listen and let him talk and talk about how wonderful a job he is doing and how these ingrate orphans are lucky to have him, he is happy. I feel sorry for the kids he has been put in charge. But it seems no worse than before he was appointed. And no better. Overall, the ashram is taking adequate care of the kids, and they are much much luckier than most children in orphanages, or even alot of kids who have parents. So it is up to them to make the most of their life.

Luckily, their laziness or apathy makes them happy to take the credit for us to do all their work. So they give us the application and letter and say we can go back to the SDM and try to make the BC. Now that Sofi is legally mine, I have the right to take over her process, whereas before I had to sit by and be satisfied just asking and asking how things were going and if there was anything I could do, only to be told, "don't worry, it will be done."

So we start with the SDM's P.A. He explains that the 1st step actually is to go to the Tassildar (like a district supervisor I think). He agrees to call the Tassildar and ask it to be done quickly. We run to the Tassildar, knowing it is a short week, and he is really nice and helpful. He goes thru the papers immediately, and the only catch is that the ashram's affidavit has to be verified in person by the affiant. So we run back to the ashram and drag the Colonel along to get him to verify in person. Also, they decide they need to see the original Adoption Deed, and by chance I had got it off the lawyer the day before and so I was able to pull it out of my purse like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, and things were moving nicely. After signing, then it turned out we needed the official ashram stamp on the papers, so we ran back to the ashram with the Colonel, and had another staff memeber accompany us back with the stamp, and we completed the Tassildar recommendation and approval. Whew! All in a day's work.

We take the file back up to the SDM's P.A. and he assures us that even tho the next day is a half day, it will be ready for us to pick up his approval before 1 p.m.  We show up at 10 the next morning, and are pleasantly surprised that it is all ready!!! Both the SDM and the Tassildar approvals have been obtained in less than 24 hours, even tho it was Eid and some other random holiday. We are soo pleased with ourselves, we decide to rush to the Civil Hospital as it is barely 10:30 and it is still a half day of work.

At the Civil Hospital, it is again an exercise of running from one counter to another counter to another counter, being desperate, asking everyone for their help in getting this done ASAP, and pleasantly being received well everywhere, and everyone being helpful and courteous, as we zoom zoom all over the place like a couple of chickens without heads. Heads turn as people wonder what is all the rushing is about. But the upshot is that we get all the process of the Civil Hospital almost complete by the time they close for lunch. What we achieved in an hour, usually takes at least a week, or many weeks. The exception is if a baby is born in a hospital and properly recorded, and then things are relatively straightforward.  We ended up with all the papers ready, just needing the bigshot Dr's signature and since he had already left for a wedding, it was not possible to do anymore until Monday.

So I decide nothing more to do but take a few days of rest. Amidst all this success in our process, and wonderful Sofi time, I have been almost constantly ill since New Years Eve. 2 months now. I had gastritis and was violently ill from NYE until the 2d week of Jan. Lost weight and looked better, but quite tiring.  Was ok for a bit and then 1st week of Feb had a weird infection that erupted in an absess in my nose that was excruciating. Managed to subdue the swelling in time to look fine for the wedding, but oddly, the day after the wedding weekend, on Valentine's Day, I woke up with yet another pain by my bellybutton. 2 & 1/2 weeks later, 2 rounds of antibiotics, and finally resorting to heavy painkillers, it has not healed. So it is time to see another Dr today, a dermatologist in the hopes of figuring out what all this is about.

After the weekend of taking easy and seeing some friends in Chandigarh, it was back to Jalandhar on the 21st and we ran around at Civil Hospital and got the big Dr signature. On to the Municipal Corporation. We had run into someone from the MC at the hospital before the holiday weekend, and he also said if we went to see him, he would help us get it done.  So after some herculean effort on the MOnday, by just 2 p.m. we had Sofi's birth certificate. We celebrated with a dhaba lunch! In 3 work days, we had made the birth certificate. The ashram staff were astonished. Monday the 21st was the day they planned to start the approximately month long procecss, and here we were with it all done and dusted. They were a little suitablly embarassed that it was done so quickly, but they are too obstinate to be bothered really. One thing less they had to do, and they can take the credit for a job all done.

Next step passport. We had been told we could start the passport application at the same time as the BC, but when we went to the passpost office in Feb 16th it was closed for Eid. THat is why we decided to focus on the BC as the passport office would not be reopening til the 21st. After further consideration, and given that I was really unwell with the infection, we decided to head back to Delhi after being away from home for 2 weeks and on the 22d we drove back and were glad to be "home". ON the 23d Sofi went back to school and her teacher said she was remembering everything and having fun. Her playschool is fun. I let the infection subside and asked around about how best we could get the passport quickly, as the usual process takes about 6 weeks, which is quite long. In the end I have submitted the passport application online and have an appointment to take in all the papers on March 8 at 12:45 so let's hope things go smooth and we are able to file the fees for the "tatkal" (emergency) application and it will be done in about 2 weeks. Que sera, sera!

Dr updates

We have been to see a new paeditrician in Delhi just to check in and see how Sofi is progressing.  He was recommended to us by the American Embassy nurse. We came up with some interesting new information about Sofi's birth weight. He has said that since she was 3 kg at 6 & 1/2 months, he estimates she would have been approximately 1.7 kg only at birth! Pretty small. He has tracked her height and weight growth in the past year and said I had done an amazing job of taking her from being soo under on all points, to putting her into the 50th percentile for height and weight. She is now at age exactly 21 months a whopping 12.1 kgs. I am happy she is healthy. He is a little concerned about her head diameter as it is a little small still, but we can demonstrate growth of 2 cms in the last 8 months, so it is not totally an issue. We will have to monitor it and ensure that she is growing. Initially, June 2010 the Dr in Jalanadhar had assessed her as having symmetrical growth delay. Now with her head lagging 10% behing her height and weight, it is slighty assymetric. Also, she is having some slight fungus and wax buildup in her ears that may be the reason she has been cranky and moody this past week - or it might just be that she seems to be teething with her molars. SO it's ear drops and we will clean out those ears. And also she seems to have hay fever or allergies as her nose is runny, so we have to use nasal drops and sprays and suction out the nasal passage every day for the next couple months, to prevent any backflow and chest congestion. She had some shots too, for chicken pox and the final vaccination she needed and she is still all up to date on her shots. We have taken some bloodwork also just to see how her hemaglobin looks, as the Dr was a little concerned, but said it's pretty common for Indian children to have really low levels. We had been giving Sofi SFe iron supplements twice a day for 6 months last year, so I am hopeful her levels will not be worrying anymore. But we will check on everything next week when we go back to see the Dr. Still have to collect and deliver a stool sample! Sofi is now 82.5 cms tall. 50th percentile. So all in all, for a child who was clearly suffering from "failure to thrive" according to the Dr, he said I had done an amazing job of getting her to thrive so well so quickly. I know it is Sofi who thrives from her own inner strength. She is a fighter and that's how she found me.

--
Jackie

It's a wonderful life...

Time flies. Another 6 weeks since any update from me. GOOD NEWS! This Valentines Day, I was given the best gift of my life... Sofi and I officially finally legally became mother and daughter!!! It's a big relief to know that she is now mine. We had been to Jalandhar many times, it was exhausting, going on the train on Thursday the 20th for our 21st appearance, only to be told by the judge no news and no decision could be made. Luckily though he gave us a quick next date for Tuesday the 25th (the day before Republic Day). SO we went back to Delhi by train Friday evening, only to have to go back on the Monday for the next appearance.  We drove down and Sofi did not sleep for even a minute, so it felt like a really really long 8 hours. Needless to say, almost immediately after checking into the Radission she passed out. We wernt to court and were told - yes, you guessed it - he was still not ready to make a decision. I had anticipated this, and since the following day was a national holiday, i assumed we would not get another hearing until Thursday - which is exactly what happened. The lawyer was impressed that we had figured out a little of the rhythm of the Indian courts. On Thursday the 27th, the judge promised us he would give the Adoption Order that afternoon. We wanted it to be done in front of us, but no such luck. I pressed for a speedy writing up the Order, as another typical delay is it taking forever for the judge's clerk and stenographers to write up an Order. After chasing it daily, the Adoption Order was declared and issued on that day, the 27th, but it took another 2 weeks to get a copy of it written up.

Not shockingly, yet another issue arose. I was informed by the lawyer the judge would be approving the order only with me putting up a surety bond. I was told a Jalandhar property of a 3d person had to be put up. This was an impossible requirement. We thought about whether we could put up another property in India. And then after some thought, I told the lawyer that I refused to give another surety. Apparently there is some old supreme court case saying a bond should be given. I believe this applied to cases proceeding under the GAWA (Guardians and Wards Act) where the adoption is not complete when the child leaves India. It makes sense a surety should be required to encourage people to make sure they complete the adoption in their home country. Apparently there have been cases of people taking children, essentially as slaves, and subjecting them to a life of nelgect and abuse in varied ways. We all agree these abuses must be abolsihed but is there really anyway to guarantee it gets completely eliminated? I am not sure. The process gets harder and harder, but even the dedicated sincere parents-to-be get scared off, so there are more children left to fester in orphanages where they experience a different type of abuse and neglect and deprivation. So it is hard, either way. I reminded my lawyer that I had paid alot of money to my US agency and they had already given a bond on my behalf in case of any problems and that surely had to satisfy any bond requirement. I stood firm on this point. At my insistence the lawyer made an application to the court to finalize the order without any further monetary surety. I went alone to Jalandhar on Feb 10th and luckily the judge accepted my status as an officer of the court, as a lawyer, and accepted a personal bond from me. Another hurdle cleared.

We took a much needed weekend off and attended Anahat Pirzada and Gursimran Sibia's wedding in Chandigarh. We stayed in the Taj. Yummy overeating at the breakfast buffet every day! In a year of what has seemed interminable process, this was a brilliant time to let it all hang out. Great food, music and everything. The best sangeet ever, with Arif Lohar playing 4 hours at least of rocking Punjabi music, and I danced my little heart out for the first time in ages. Sofi slept soundly at the hotel. She came out for a few functions, like the Mehndi as it was a daytime affair, and she behaved really well. Took a nap after some time. And danced a little too.  Sofi also came to the Anand Karaj at the farm and had some good running around and then a deep sleep nap amidst the lush greenery.

After all the wedding festivities, we set off on Valentines Day to Jalandhar. We had an appointment to meet the lawyer and to go to the Registrar to obtain the Adoption Deed. The last pieace. We did it!!! And the lawyer put out a little happy story in the papers the next day to let people know of some of the good things that happen. It appeared in the Kesari and perhaps another paper in Hindi. Have saved a copy for Sofi.

Other than that, we have been going to school and Sofi just loves it. She is singing some of the songs and tunes at home. And after 2 weeks of not being in school, this week she remembered so much and had a great time. It is nice to be back in Delhi, our home away from home. We had a school picnic at the Rail Museum on Feb 25th and that was fun, having a picnic and riding the toy train. Sofi pretty much has all her main teeth now, but seems to be teething her molars and has fevers and some unhappy hours from time to time, but generally a happy, bubbly, loving, wonderful child. I am very lucky to have her!

Time is flying by...

Once again I find that weeks have passed by in a blur.

Sofi has started playschool at Julia Gabriel in Saket at the DLF Place mall. She is enjoying it thoroughly. Her favourite bits are music time, and activity time which usually includes some kind of painting. Snack time is also nice and she is learning to eat by herself sitting properly and starting to drink juice for the first time as she never liked it before. The other kids range in age from about 18 months to 30 months. Sofi is currently almost 20 months. It's a mummy and me class so I am enjoying it too. Lots of singing and dancing. Play time is fun too as she is learning to play with new and different toys. Story time and the magic box not so much able to keep her attention. Overall she is really enjoying it and when we get her ready in the morning and ask her if she wants to go to school, she is excited and happy.

We were set to go to Court on Jan 12th, and I sat at the airport that morning for hours and then all flights to Amritsar were cancelled! The judge used this excuse to postpone but luckily gave us a quick date of Jan 21st. He promised he would issue the Order on the 21st. Sofi and I took the train to Jalandhar with Pratima on the 20th, staying at the Radisson, and went to Court. But, again, the judge did not issue the Order. He gave us another date for the 25th. So we hauled back to Delhi on the 21st by train, rested a little over the weekend, and then as we were unable to get train tickets at such short notice, we drove back to Jalandhar all day on the 24th. However, again, no Order from the judge.

We stayed in Jalandhar over India's 62d Repubilic Day, and invited 9 of the older girls to lunch with us at the Radisson - mainly the ones who don't have a chance to get adopted. Then we went to Amritsar to the Golden Temple for Sofi's 1st visit. We prayed for a speedy resolution of her case, so we can go back home.

Back to Court on the 27th. I am confident that the judge was moved by seeing Sofi again in Court. It could not just remain yet another case from Nari Niketan. He had seemed insensitive to the need for urgency and priority for these cases before. But seeing the child whose life is in limbo because his caseload is too heavy does bring out his human compassion. He promised he would issue the Order that afternoon.

On the morning of the 28th we learned that he verbally gave the Order, but... weirdly, he demands that a Jalandhar property valued at least 8 lakhs ($??) be put up as a surety. We cannot do this. We are now again looking for a solution. It may be that we can satisfy the judge with a monetary surety bond. It is not mandatory that judges demand a surety, but it is not uncommon for courts scattered all over the country to ask for it. Apparently there is a Supreme Court case on this issue. I will now wait for the Order to be written up (the judge promised me it would be ready by Monday/Tuesday) and then we will see what we can do to overcome the latest obstacle to completing Sofi's adoption.

2011 update...

It's hard to believe another couple of weeks has passed and we are already into 2011. I have now been here 9 & 1.2 months.
Sofi is flourishing and has more energy than the energeizer bunny so she is keeping us busy and amused.  Her daily wake-up time is around 6 a.m. and she is usually in bed by 7 or 8.  And takes a nap for anywhere from 1-3 hours in the day. 
We got back to Delhi and despite severe weather problems my mum got off to London without any delays. And we had a few days here with several girls of all ages who are from Nari Niketan which was fun and boisterous. Tanya and Pooja came to Delhi for a week for their Xmas break and we got to spend loads of quality time with them and do lots of fun teen girl and kid stuff, as well as eat lots of yummy foods they don't normally get. It is really really cold and the homes are not well equipped for it so it's lots of layers all the time trying to stay warm.
Sadly I just had a really awful gastric infection which lasted a week and has really drained me and meant that Sofi has been cooped up inside a fair amount. But a boost of medicine and fluids at the hospital and I am on the road to reocvery. And we are starting to get out and about again. We went to Sanaa and Aarshia's birthday party today and after her nap Sofi played with some of the kids in the building and then we went to the Imperial hotel for a meal and she behaved quite well.
Exciting development is that Sofi starts play school at Julia Gabriel on Monday. 3 days a week, 2 hours a day. Mummies play with the kids and it's supposed to be loads of fun.
The 1st to court dates were uneventful. So far we are just submitting evidence and the judge hasn't had to decide anything. I go back this Wednesday, Jan 12th for the 3d hearing. This is the 1st date where the judge could actually issue the adoption order. I hope for it, but do not expect it to be issued the 1st time. So no idea when this thing will be completed, but we are making baby steps all the time.
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Jackie

Get Out of Jail Free card...

So, since Sofi's release from the ashram on November 2d we have been pretty busy. Some Sofi stomping on the laptop has led us to radio silence, but for now, we are back in communicado.  A week of not being well and then some fun in Chandigarh for Diwali was followed by a trip to Bombay to see Jay.  It was surprisingly hot and humid so we didn't do alot of getting out and about but it was a nice visit. Then it was back to Delhi to receive my Mum fron London who is currently here visiting for a month. She last saw Sofi on July 13th so she has enjoyed seeing the changes and how Sofi is running around, babbling and communicating in her own special way, and admiring her bubbly personality and magnetic charm. We then all came to my Mum's ancestal place, Sector 45 (formerly the village of Burail) in Chandigarh. We are staying in my grandmother#s house and it is full of activity around here and nonstop hectic. After a burglary of the house, we have been a little anxious but also having fun. Sofi's personality is emerging more and more. She is strong-willed as well as loving and funny. We don't need to turn on the t.v. for entertainment. She is loving that there is a dog who has 6 puppies right outside of our house so playing with them is a frequent pastime. We will be heading back to Delhi in a few days to see my Mum off. In the interim the 1st substantive court hearing in the adoption case is this Monday the 13th. The worry is that here the lawyers and courts find it totally normal to postpone and delay any actual decision-making by adjourning the cases without deciding anything or just putting things off to the next date, and then giving long gaps between dates. We have put the Supreme Court Pandey case to the court's attention as it directs the courts to complete adoption cases in 2 months - but it is a guide and not a mandate so one cannot have any set of expectations, just hope!

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Jackie

getting into the groove

After a rough weekend with both Sofi very sick and me falling ill, we have made it through and are starting to have alot of fun and getting out and about. She is still suffering for a really bad chest congestion, but she is getting more energetic. And keeping me on my toes.

She was missing the ashram and all the people and kids, and has enjoyed going off and playing with the kids on the few occassions we have had to go back to deal with paperwork. But also fine to leave. Sofi is pretty adaptable which is great.

It took another week chasing the ashram people to essentially just give us all the papers I had sent them originally. They are really unbelievably obstreperous and don't know when to just give it up!  But we have now met with the lawyer, and got to give him the papers yesterday. The pleadings were drafted in a day and ready to be filed tomorrow! Hopefully there won't be any problems getting it filed. I can't believe there is a chance it will be filed before Diwali but it's a possibility. If that happens, we go to court on Thursday for the 1st hearing, which is essentially just to get a date for our 1st real substantive hearing.

In the case, I am the Petitioner, askign the court to declare me Sofi's mother. We have pleaded in the alternative HAMA, GAWA and JJ Act just to be on the safe side, but we are hoping it will be approved under JJ Act as that will be a proper adoption Deed at the end.  The 1st real hearing will be for the ashram to respond that they do not object. The hearing after that is for the statements of the parties. And the final hearing is for arguments. And if all goes well, then we will be given the adoption order, and finally the adoption Deed. We probably won't get the 1st substantive hear
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Lawyers and cases

NOC arrived last week on Monday and I hoped to take the file to the lawyer on Tuesday. It is amazing that not even one thing ever happens as it should. It appears there is alot of in-fighting and office politics among the managers, greed amongst the lawyers to get fees for work not done, and talking in circles, non-responsiveness, or long stories that say nothing, as usual, so that you can never get a straight answer or simple action to move things forward. Let's hope on Monday I get the file and we can proceed to get the adoption case filed. If we are lucky, only 2-3 months. If not, 4-6 months or more.
As soon as Sofi is feeling better, we are going to Amritsar to pray for a speedy resolution to this ordeal so that we can leave.
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de-lousing time!

Finally, Sofi is home with me full time. Sadly, the poor thing has a severe chest congestion and sounds like darth vadar so neither of us is sleeping much yet. It's no fun taking lots of medicine and supplements and both of us neing inaugurated to a nebulizer. She is not eating much either.
It has been 2 whole days Sofi has not been to the ashram and I think she is fine on the whole, but she is no doubt missing all the fun and commotion of all the kids being around. It's pretty quiet at our house. Thank goodness we have 2 big dogs to keep her amused. We went back to the ashram today to try to work on her papers, to be given the run around again, more delays, but she had fun playing with her friends. She was happy to go there, but also happy to leave. We also went to the park and she rode on a slide for the 1st time and liked it. Then she got sleepy so it's home and now a nap.
Scary thing tho is that since she has been home, I noticed she was itching her head alot. She did this when I first met her, leading to her 1st home made haircut to remove the lice eggs. I have been keeping it short as alot of the kids are heavily infested with lice and they hug and kiss her alot. Today, I sadly saw the 1st actual lice in Sofi's hair while we were at the ashram. So, out it was with the lice comb and 15 critters later, we think we made some headway on the problem. Poor thing.It will be daily delousing sessions and time to remove the eggs too. Maybe time for another crew cut!
I was getting paranoid every time my scalp itches. Yuck, but I found for the 1st time ever, I too have lice!!! It was bound to happen with Sofi and alot of the kids having it, especially since they love to hug me and their heads were often right up against mine. So, the little critters jumped ship. I had also been keeping my hair short to avoid this, but it happened anyway.
It's not the fault of this children, the places they come from and the ashram too are an envionment where it is hard to keep away from it.  Also, no one takes it too seriously so it just persists and new kids arrive with it, old kids pass it on, and so it goes.
There are soo many issues for Sofi to deal with and yet she is pretty happy and outgoing despite it all.
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Felines and Friends

My biggest concern taking Sofi out of the ashram was wondering how she would handle the peace and quiet. When I first met Sofi, she was only close to the ladies in the babies room as they were the ones looking after her. At that time, she was not close to the children. However, over the past 6 months, she has grown really close to the kids and loves to play with them and they all run around and have fun. Some of the time when I am not there, the kids kept her happy. So in taking her away and taking her "home" with me, I was worried that she would miss all that.

Luckily so far she has been absolutely fine. She is pretty adaptable that way as most little kids are. We think they need things a certain way, but they are great at just going with whatever is going on. We had a nice outing to the store yesterday and she liked that. Today we are going out again, as Sofi just likes being around people. The housekeepers here at my Uncle's house are just loving having her around. She is like a little princess here.

Also at the ashram Sofi realized her love of animals. The stray cat and her 2 kittens had been coming around for the last few months and Sofi just went crazy happy every time they appeared. Any irritation is usually calmed by shouting out "mow" and she runs to see them. Sofi also loves to pretend to be a cat, crawling on all fours, saying "mow" and waiting to be petted. At home here we hae 2 big dogs which she also likes... from a distance as they are a bit scary for her. We also had discovered Baby Einstein's neighbourhood animals DVD that she likes, so we also put on Animal Planet on the tv and she loves seeing anmals.

We are just waiting for the ashram to resolve some issues about which lawyer is to be appointed and then I will be trying to get the adoption case filed ASAP. Once the case is filed we will be shifting to my grandmother's house in Burail village in sector 45 of Chandigarh. I am looking forward to that and being in our own home finally.

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Custody at last!

Around 6 months after meeting Sofi, and endless delays in paperwork, I finally have been given custody of Sofi. It is really nice to have some quiet time just the two of us, finally. Sofi's first night with me we treated ourselves to samosa and gulab jamun - her favourites. Sofi fell asleep at 9 exhausted. Sadly she is again sick and stayed up all night coughing and having a hard time breathing so neither of us got much sleep. But still Sofi was up at 5:30 smiling and babbling and playing. We had a great 1st morning, with porridge, and then another visit to the ashram to deal with the next round of paperwork and next series of obstacles and delay. It is amazing that they never seem to run out of some reason to stall the process. Now some peoblem appointing the lawyer to file the case that will declare me Sofi's mother. If only they could put any energy toward getting things done instead of letting files just languish under neglect. Sadly it is the children who remain stuck in the ashram while this happens. The people are quick to ramble on incessantly about all the deficiencies of the system, and others, but there is blatant lack of action on their part to just get on with it. It is beyond frustrating. It is really tough to remain positive with daily assaults about one thing or another. But plod on we must.
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origin of the babies and children at the ashram

People are curious about the babies and children at the ashram. Naturally, I am not able to discuss any particular child, but in general there is a common theme - they are nearly all girls. I have read that abortions of girls and infanticide of females is extremely high in this state of Punjab. It is believed that parents are ok with 1 girl, and can accept a 2d sometimes, but a 3d girl is difficult for them to handle. There is still an outdated notion of girls being a burden and so parents, or often it would be their families, are not too thrilled to have a girl. It appears to also relate to whether they already have a boy or not. It is odd, given that it is increasingly common for the Punjabi males to have a serious problem with alcohol or drugs, but that is the way it is.

Many of the babies who end up at the ashram come without any history or background. They are abandoned at various places and end up here. The wonderful part is that almost every child here is getting adopted into really affluent families where they will have lifestyles their parents could not even dream of.

I was lucky to have googled general articles on adoption and have found THE article of Sofi's story.  She was found abandoned in a bush under a by-pass in the town of Hoshiarpur and her wailing was heard by a passerby who then took her to the hospital; she was transferred the next day to Nari Niketan and eventually she was offered to me. Sofi was suffering from quite a few injuries to the head and her left eye and had to have a transfusion of blood in the hospital when they found her. She was very weak and severely malnourished, and was continuously ill even for the 1st 3 months that I was with her, until the medical treatment and love, food, and supplements started to kick in. She was barely 5 kgs at 11 months and is a healthy 10 kgs at 17 months! There is no way to know who her biological parents were or why they had to give her up.

There are also quite a few cases where the parents are too poor to afford the required medical treatment and seem to give them up for that reason. The ashram takes care of the children and pays for their medical treatment, and most of them then are adopted into good families.

It is also a common story that the parents split up or one or both of the parents are deceased and so there is no one to look after the children.

The ashram is doing something really wonderful in finding good homes for the children with special needs and the older children who would normally not have a chance to be adopted.

The numer of children coming into the official adoption system is dropping dramatically each year in India, despite the huge number of homeless and poor abandoned children, so I am extremely fortunate to have found Sofi.

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Hallelulah!!! NOC has been issued.

I almost cannot believe it is done, as it's been such a delayed process, but the Indian government's agency CARA (Central Adoption Resouce Authority), in New Delhi, has yesterday issued the crucial No Objection Certificate.

I had personally submitted the papers on Sept 15th, expected clearance around the 28th, had some delays and when I went in yesterday to check on things, it turns out they had lost the Article 5 letter that the US Embassy had sent back in August. Some quick running around, bluffing my way into the Embassy without an appointment, begging them to immediately get me another copy, and they happily obliged, running back to CARA and astonishing them that within about an hour I was back with the missing Article 5. Apparently this eagerness impressed them as they were touched to have someone soo enthusiastic to be a parent and they found my attitude to be really positive and made them feel good to issue NOC. I told them I was praying to take custody of Sofi before Diwali so we could start the next year together and this touched them. Although they told me it wouldn't be ready until Thursday, unbeknownst to me, they immediately issued the NOC and couriered it back to the orphanage in Jalandhar. Sadly they would not let me carry it, saying they had to send it directly to the orphanage, but it is hoped to arrive in 4-5 days.

Now I am allowed to finally take physical custody of Sofi. A huge step forward. It will be a relief to have her with me instead of having to go to visit her at the orphanage. No doubt it will mark a big milestone in our relationship as we will now have private time to bond and we will able to do normal things, like go to the park, play with toys, watch baby einstein, have mummy-made food, etc. It is really exciting to be one step forward.

Next step to taking custody, is that I just have to finalize the affidavit required for custody; so a little more running around in the outdoor law chambers in Jalandhar. Am rushing back on the train tonight so we can work on getting the case filed ASAP. The ashram has not yet appointed a lawyer, so it will be another round of pressing and pushing things to be done now, instead of whenever someone can be bothered. And hopefully before the inevitable shutdown over Diwali! And appointing my own lawyer to ensure things proceed as best as possible. Since the Jalandhar courts have been going super slow with adoptions lately, it will no doubt be delays in getting hearing dates, adjournments, and more tests in patience and tolerance. At least Sofi will be with me though.

After the adoption case, then it's time to get her a birth certificate, an Indian passport, a visa for the US, trying to figure out if/how she will be able to get permission to enter the UK, and hopefully on a plane outta here to London and eventually the US of A.

Today is a good day! I am grateful to be one huge step closer to being declared Sofi's legal mother.

Government paperwork is finally pending at CARA...

All summer long, as I melted in the unusually high temperatures with rare moments in the AC, I was praying and asking the ashram to send my file to the official Indian government agency, CARA (Central Adoption Resource Authority).  It is CARA's NOC (no objection clearance) that is crucial in progressing things. After NOC is when I will finally be able to take custody of Sofi - as long as we stay within India - while the adoption case gets started and ends.

I had been asking that the ashram send the papers to CARA since early July. July passed with no movement. August passed with a constant stream of promises and excuses. September continued with more of the same. It is hard to see why things just languish and instead of things getting done, they just don't get done. Everyone who hears how long and horrible things are for me here just assumes this must be a case of someone looking for a bribe! No one has asked directly. The senior people are honest and sincere, but ineffective, instead leaving everything to the managers. The managers are rude and insensitive both to the children in general, but also to the fact that their lack of competency is ruining their lives. It appears to be difficult for them to look beyond their own petty egos and their apparent inappropriate greed and focus on the fact that they are responsible for placing children in homes quickly. Slowly and painfully appear to be their motto. Many cases are just dragging on for ages. They apparently have no time to do the simple paperwork, but plenty of time to bother me about where I can sit, stand, or who I can or cannot talk to, where the driver cannot sit, and all other petty little matters constituting severe harassment - making this a pretty miserable experience overall. Thank goodness Sofi is there and the kids are just a ray of sunshine in all of this. It is playing with them everyday that makes it all worthwile. I have really become attached and fond of each one of them. And it is touching that all were so happy to see me today after me having been absent for 5 days - the longest by far I have ever not come to the ashram since May 1.

Finally, a call from the President and an on-site visit from the Treasurer on September 13 led to action on my case - an order that the managers do whatever was missing on my CARA application without any further delays. The petty managers were finally chastised! Suddenly, within about 24 hours, the papers were finished!!! WHat had not been done in almost 3 months was completed in about a day. I could not believe my luck. Fearful of further delays and inaction, I took the papers myself to CARA and they were finally delivered on September 15 to the people in charge. Relief.

I asked CARA when it was likely I could get clearance, I was told to check back in 2 weeks. I made a special trip to Delhi to do just that only to be told they are all out of the office on a conference. There was similarly no action the week before due to a different conference. And once I finally got in to see them this Monday, I was told the person in charge is on leave!

Sadly, my Indian experience has been that it is amazing anything ever gets done. One has to be extremely patient and persistent. And one has to learn to keep a smile on your face even though a child's whole life is at stake and no one seems to make it a priority to move things forward. Overall the ashram is giving these kids a life they could never have dreamed of and they are really really lucky to be here. But more needs to be done.

Train journeys and recollections

One of the nicest things in my experience of travelling around  India, is going on the train. I remember a last minute 1998 trip from Amritsar (where I had  gone to see the Sikh's holiest Golden Temple) to Delhi, where I just assumed I could hop on the first class carriage after standing in the "Ladies Only" line. It was around 5 a.m. that crisp Spring morning when I made my way to the train station, after having spent the night in the Temple's  open air veranda known as the Ladies Quarters, and having had a marriage proposal by a self-appointed tour guide who had led me around the Temple grounds (having clued into my NRI and foreign citizen status). My new Lonely Planet  guidebook had neglected to mention that single women were not allowed to rent a room! But it was a nice experience even if I did not get much sleep for fear I would oversleep the next morning – they did not do wake-up calls on the veranda.   

I was surprised to find that they were one carriage short in first class, so I had to take the 3d class carriage as 2d class was sold out too.  Even though the train was several hours delayed along the way, it was my first solo real Indian experience. Had I travelled in my protected AC first class carriage as planned, I would have missed out on the up-close and personal aspects of the trip with my fellow Punjabis. Garish coloured Indian suits and packed lunches and tiffins surrounded me as I sat with my stomach growling, clearly looking like someone who would normally travel in 1^st class and an obvious NRI despite my Indian clothes. But it was an experience that made me feel more like a real Indian because it really was just my clothes and luck of being born abroad to a comfortable family that separated me from them. Scrunched up close to one another, we all just jostled along, for the all day journey. It was only once I reached back to Delhi and heard all the worry in my Mum's demeanour  that I realized it could have been a horrid ordeal, but it hadn't been at all.

Today, as I am travelling today on the Shatabdi from Jalandhar to Punjab, I am reminded of my favourite Amritsar trip as this train originated in Amritsar before coming to us.  Even the regular AC class is wonderful.  A little more cramped and a different crowd from the privileged Executive Class folk, but perfectly fine for anyone. As soon as you board, you are provided with your litre of "Rail Neer" labelled water and paper cup and Jumpin mango juice. And minutes after we leave the station the snack tray is given, full of your tea kit, toffees, fresh ghee sweet barrfi, hot vegetable samosa and salty namkeen packet. The first time I took this express train I did not expect any more food!  Now I know not to devour it all, as this really just is the appetizer. Dinner is a tray full of goodies... rice, cholay, shahi paneer, dahi, salad, pickle and paratha. Quite a veritable feast. Followed by vanilla ice-cream. After that everyone is pretty much dozing off as it is 9:30 p.m. and we have probably all eaten too much to be awake for long.

My other favourite train journey was in 2003, when we went from Delhi to Hazur Sahib, a pilgrimage to fulfil my 86 year-old maternal grandmother's wish to visit there before she died.  All the family members thought she was too old, but I thought, "why not?!" So Bibi, Mum, Aunty Kirpal and myself bought the train tickets and off we went.  The 26 hour train ride expanded to about a 35 hour journey but still it was fun. So many interesting people on the train, all the basic comforts, and all the food-sellers coming thru all the time. One thing about being on a train in India is you never go hungry. It's non-stop food offerings all the journey: "coo-cumbar, coo-cumbar" (peeled, sliced lengthways, peppered and juicy), "noodles, Maggi noodles," "chai, chai, garam garam chai," "cutlet, cutlet," "tikki, aloo tikki," "omelette, omelette," "paratha, paratha" and many more mouth-watering, digestive-effecting selections. It's impossible to resist them all.

The Delhi-Chandigarh Shatabdi is equally comfortable but the journey is only about 3 hours. It's used by many as a commuter train since it's so convenient. It makes getting from the capitol Delhi to my mum's hometown of Chandigarh a breeze and an absolute pleasure. It's not a place visited so often by tourists eager to sample India's highlights, but for me it's always home as that's where we went with Mum growing up. I remember visiting when her Dad was ill, in around 1973, and I would have been about 5.  My brother Mitch and I were probably a nuisance, he would have been about 7, so we were put into Guru Nanak Public School – Mum knew Principal Sarai luckily .  He still runs a school in Chandigarh. I remember going to school on the bus, and using a razor to sharpen my pencils.I associate one of my favourite fruits, chickoo, with that trip so I imagine we ate lots of them.  I also remember the teachers were very strict. Once, after Aunty Bholly's wedding, I was in trouble for having nail polish on as it was not allowed. I remember going to the Rock Garden and Rose Garden and a general sense of a beautiful city with lots of parks. It was later I realized it had been designed by the world-famous Le Corbusier.  He designed this City with a master plan that is still being followed today with the different Phases of development and green belts being maintained. It is not like other Indian cities in layout or feel. If ever I was to live in India, it would probably be here in Chandigarh.
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Jalandhar medical care

For some reason, there appear to be a huge number of hospitals and Drs here in Jalandhar which is convenient. When I first met Sofi, she was small for her age and in the bottom 10th percentile at 5-6 kgs when 11 months old. Because there are so many unknown and varied reasons for kids arriving here, their medical conditions are unknown, but it is common for them to have some type of illness.  When I arrived, another baby, Vinakshi, who was just a few months old, had recently arrived with a severe and chronic chest infection. Sofi caught it. It was about 2 months of constant Dr visits and medications, antibiotics, supplements, and injections before Sofi was rid of this. It was a real worry for me. Soon after that, she caught a viral eye infection. When Sofi was found, her left eye was swollen shut and she again had problems in that eye. Again, thanks to the good Drs here, she was on 4 different types of eye drops for about 6 weeks and this too cleared up. But then it seemed she had conjunctivitis, and instead we realized she has a blocked tear duct in her right eye and so today, she had a little saline solution surgical flush procedure to puncture it as it should be, and hopefully she will now be fine. In the mean time, she is no longer in the bottom 10%. Sofi is now a healthy 9.5 kgs. She also has been going through the pains of teething and has gone from having 6 teeth when I met her to a set of 12 sharp teeth. She likes to feed herself so mealtimes are pretty much still a big mess.
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Sofi and Bani May 2010

Princess Sofi's favourite throne

Nari Niketan and its kids...

I know you all must be curious about the ashram and wondering who all lives there and what it is like. I have been visiting almost daily for 4 & 1/2 months now so I feel pretty comfortable there. There are in the region of 25-30 kids ranging from a few days to teenagers, a handful in their 20's, and some older ladies. There are 2 little boys otherwise it's all feminine estrogen environment. Nari Niketan is located in the city of Jalandhar in the state of Punjab, India. It was opened in 1955 and I understand it was started to help the dislocated widows and children of Partition. Being close to the border of Pakistan, I understand there used to be alot of residents and many people have been helped over the 55 years it has been open. The international adoption license was finally obtained in March 2009, so it is only recently that the children being adopted are going abroad. There have been many children adopted within India over the years. Nari Niketan is a good ashram where the children have 3 meals and 1 snack each day, they are well dressed, and the environment of the ashram is maintained to a good standard. I know all the kids and feel like they are all now an extended part of my family. 4-5 are going to France, some to the UK, maybe some to US and Canada, and some will stay in India. The success of the administration means that almost all the kids are in the process of being adopted. A few cannot be adopted for technical reasons. I have decided to formally sponsor one of these kids to ensure she has a decent chance at a good future.
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A typical Sofi day

Sofi usually wakes up around 2 in the morning, thirsty and hungry. She will drink water and milk and then nod off back to sleep. It's around 7 in the morning that she is up for more milk, breakfast and playtime. She is pretty content to play in the baby's room, often just sitting in her crib singing or babbling away in her own language.  By 9 or 10 she is usually ready for a morning nap lasting an hour or two.  Then around noon it's lunchtime. Every day at the ashram they eat rice, daal and yoghurt, so that's what Sofi has. If I am there, I will usually take her down to the dining hall so she can play with the other children - who have come back from the school which is just next door.  After lunch we play. We wander around the ashram, playing with the little children who don't go back to school after lunch.  By 2 all the kids are done with school, so there are lots of people for Sofi to play with. Initially she was not so eager to play with all the kids, and she preferred the little kids. But over time, she has become attached pretty much to them all. She loves to be investigating all over and now that she is walking, she wanders off exploring everything. Her favourite phrase is to answer the question "Billi kee kahandi?" (What does a cat say?) and she answers "mow" and dog says "bow bow". It has become even more fun as there is a little cat who has recently had kittens and they come and wander around looking for food, and Sofi gets super excited whenever they come around. If she is being fussy, the option of going to see the cat almost always gets her into a good mood. Around 4, it is teatime and we head down to the dining room again to see what treats are there. Sometimes it is fruit, or biscuits, or cake, or ice cream. With tea which she loves. And anywhere in the afternoon she might fall asleep for a nap. Otherwise it's plat time. Around 5 it's time for milk and then more playing if not a nap. And dinner is at 8ish. Thankfully, Sofi and the children play alot so time passes. These days the kids are having tests and exams so they are supposed to be busy preparing. Sundays there is no school so we all play all day!
Some days some people might come to visit, to donate food, or other things, to see how the ashram works, or perhaps to attend a court hearing or prepare for their own child's adoption case. The week passes quickly and before you know it, days turn to weeks and now I have been here almost 6 months!

So how does intercountry adoption actually work?

I have been getting lots of congratulations, but it seems premature as I feel as if I am only moving one step along in what often seems like an insurmountable process of obstacles and hindrances to becoming a mother. It's just alot easier to visualize with Sofi's sweet face to look at.

Biological parents do not need anyone's permission or a license to parent. For those of us choosing to be parents by adoption, it is not an accident or an unconscious event. It takes years to come to the realization that your wish to adopt has culminated in you finally being ready to take the first formal step. For me, this was about 20 years in the making as I knew I wanted to adopt a child from India even as a teenager and it has always been something in the back of my mind, I suppose I was waiting until I thought I was ready. I got ready. Then...

you find out all the local authorities in the UK are "not recruiting" for parents! Like this was a sales call?! Apparently there are hardly any Indian origin children available for adoption in the UK. And the UK is strongly against inter-racial adoption. It seems ythey don't want any Indian origin parents, so thanks but no thanks; this, despite lots of children waiting to be adopted and in foster care. Mostly your calls are not even returned. If they do consider, you are interrogated in a most invasive personal way only to be told there are no suitable kids in their system. There are hardly any private adoption agencies and they take a really long time to complete the gruelling process of approving you, or not, to become an adoptive parents. There are only about 300 international adoptions done into the UK each year.

The US couldn't be more different. Race is not irrelevant, but it's not a complete barrier. I thank God for dual-citizenship! There are in the region of 10,000 international adoptions into the US now, since it is dropping rapidly each year (was about 20,000 year not too long ago). I think it's dropped to only 297of those from India in 2009.

Amazingly, despite India having a population of over a billion, in there were just over 800 kids sent out of the country via adoption. 2-3 years ago it was over 1300. The rules are getting tighter and tighter and less and less Indian orphans will have a chance to be adopted. We NRIs are 2d choice and only are allowed to adopt if "real" Indians say no to these wonderful kids.

The process starts with a social worker and lots of paperwork, studying and classes on adoptive parenting, and you are rewarded with the crucial Home Study that is the official approval that you are fit to be a parent and you can proceed to adopt from overseas. I wanted a girl, one or two, so that's what I was approved for. Then you have the luck of going to USCIS (former INS or immigration) to ask for visa clearance. Actually this was surprisingly a really supportive and helpful agency as they have a special department of homeland security for adoption and they truly seem so eager to help. And then you have to sign on with an agency in the US who is licensed by India for intercountry adoption out of India. CARA is the Central Adoption Resource Agency and they license all the foreign agencies, as well as being the all important people who will give me the official Indian green light, the NOC (no objection clearance).

The most awesome part is when you then learn there is a child who might be suitable for you. And that is when Trishna and I became a team in this process. She is my motivation. I call her Sofi. Or probably it will be Sofi Trishna when she is naughty as I think most mothers resort to long full names for maternal dramatic effect. Officially the paperwork at this stage is that the ashram/orphanage presents us with a CSR (child study report) and medical for the PAP (prospective adoptive parents(s)) to approve. I said absolutely yes please! And now it is for the ashram to take that massive stack of my papers, and their own papers, and send them to CARA for NOC. That's my next stage. Waiting for NOC and praying every day it goes through.

When the all important NOC is in, that's when they/I file as petitioner to adopt Sofi. Sadly for us, Jalandar Punjab is notoriously one of the slowest court systems as they do not do many intercountry adoptions to each case, aprropriately is given strict scrutiny, but it isn't done very quickly. Despite Indian Supreme Court precedent that all adoption cases are supposed to be given high priority, many jurisdictions do not adhere to this timeline. Punjab is one of those not observing the requirement. But we live in hope. And we can but pray. Or overprepare the case just to help.

All of your prayers are needed as this is really the hardest thing I ever did.

Thanks for reading, if you got this far!

I hope one day to produce or back a documentary to highlight the plight of India's neglected children who are not being made available for adoption. Many of them are actually domestic servants or child beggars or have at least one family member, so they might not technically be eligible or open to being adopted. Sometimes, there are ways these kids can be sponsored so they can go to school instead of working.

Princess Sofi in her throne... sideways

Sofi in motion

As days fly by....

I can't account for the past 4 months except to say they have been a blur. Sofi is growing healthy and strong and is walking now. She wanders off confidently all over the ashram as far as she can, investigating everything. Paperwork drags on without much progress it seems. Sofi is now like a mascot passed from kid to kid around the ashram as she becomes capable of more and more sounds and entertainment for the others. Sunrises, sunsets, sunrises and I can't keep track of where all the time goes every day.

Sofi's 1st birthday parties

Sofi turned 1 on June 1, 2010. In the afternoon we had samosa, paneer pakoras and cake to celebrate. Sofi loves spicy food and enjoyed all 3.  With 6 teeth, it's mainly soft food. and in the evening party, we all got dressed up, danced and partied and had alot of fun. Sofi was a good sport and took a nap conveniently between the 2 parties so she was able to enjoy them both.

Introducing Sofi Trishna Kaur... daughter of my heart

I meant to write all about the process of coming here to India in March and registering with orpahanges in Delhi and Chandigarh in detail... but before I could get down to it, the long-awaited day I have been dreaming of has already arrived! With God's grace, I have now met and am now bonding with my soon to be daughter who was given the name Trishna in the orphanage by the staff.  I met her briefly on the morning of Saturday April 24th and hoped I would be able to adopt her. That morning I had been to pray at the Golden Temple (holiest of Sikh gurdwaras) in Amritsar to ask for a speedy resolution to my adoption of a little girl.  Literally a few hours later I met Trsihna.  Trishna means a state of contentment of the mind when you obtain real peace.

I am naming her Sofi (sophia or sophos in Greek is wise or wisdom).

Sofi is a beautiful, active, cheerful and funny little girl. She loves hugs and cuddles. She espectially laughs alot when we tickle her tummy or her neck. But she smiles alot anyway. She is starting to make alot of sounds and babbles and sings quite a bit when she is feeling chatty. She likes to grab my chain and use me as a climbing wall because she is just starting to stand with support and can't stand on her own. She is pretty content. She can scream and cry when she needs to get our attention. She already has won over everyone's heart who she meets. She is believed to have been everyone's favourite at the ashram where she was living. All the staff and the other kids love her alot. The staff keep saying how good her kismet must be because she will be going overseas after such a diffcult start in life.

We believe her birth date is June 1 2009. She appears to be meeting all her developmental milestones and seems healthy and fine. She was found by the police and brought to the ashram having been abandoned. We can only guess that her family must be experiencing some tremendous difficulty to give up such a wonderful little girl and we wish them better days to come. She has 6 teeth. They are strong and very sharp.

On my first day visiting with her, May 1 2010, at the Nari Niketan ashram here in Jalandhar, Punjab, I fed her lunch of rice and yoghurt which she enjoyed. She doesn't seem to be able to drink from a milk bottle and likes to drink from a bowl, glass or cup. It's pretty hot these days so she needs to drink a lot of water too. Sippie cup is still a little messy so far.  She has bonded with me immediately from the first day and we all believe there is a past life connection between us. I cannot imagine having been given any other little girl to be my daughter.

Once I took her to my uncle's house, I gave her milk which she loves as much as any other baby. She was too excited to take her after lunch nap at the orphanage, so I put her down for a nice nap around 5 and she slept a good 2 hours.  For dinner, I had kichari (boiled rice and mung daal) prepared for her with yoghurt that she also ate happily.  She is a good eater and doesn't spill too much on her new little bibs. She is enjoying all the one on one attention and love and affection as one can imagine.  We took her out for a nice liitle evening walk to the nearby shops and she got all kinds of diapers, and lotions and potions, as well as some ready to eat food from jars.  After shopping she enjoyed some custard with banana.  After a big day, she went to sleep at 10:30 p.m. I can't say I slept much watching over my little munchkin all nite to make sure she is fine. She seems perfectly happy and content. Trishna by name and Trishna by nature.

The process of starting the legal adoption is likely to take quite some time yet as the State of Punjab courts are notoriously slower than everywhere else. We just pray the outcome is as we want.